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Facing the Facts - Brave Enough to Listen

Saturday, December 14, 2019

Today I am facing the facts, staring them right between the eyes. Oh hello there. You can't scare me. I see you.

Okay, here we go.

1. My weight is up at least 15 pounds from where it normally is. My clothes are all tight. I feel sluggish and out of shape.
2. I am drinking too much - this is adding extra liquid calories, slowing my metabolism, harming my sleep quality, decreasing my mood, and increasing subsequent anxiety. Yet I still do it, even when I say I won't. I am using it to distract myself from the fact that I'm not happy. I don't think happy people "need" to drink all the time to "get through a day or a week or a life"
3. I feel trapped at my job but don't know what my next move is. I have to make a certain amount of money to keep our house and life the same for my kids. This scares me beyond measure. I am scared to fail them.
4. I can't remember the last time I felt happy on a daily basis.
5. I know what to do in my head. I know what makes me feel better, but I can't seem to make myself do that consistently. It's one step forward, two steps back. I choose the instant gratification in place of the prolonged healthier reward.

Okay. There are the harsh facts. Now what is the invitation?

Firstly, instead of shaming myself, I'm going to love myself, extend compassion to myself.

Dear self,

I love you, my daughter. I see that you're struggling and scared. I see that you're using drinking and eating to help cope. I see that it's not helping you as you wished. I know you don't see a way out right now, but listen to me, you don't know what's to come. It's going to be amazing and better than you could have imagined, but it hasn't arrived yet.

We can start to change some things, give you comfort and excitement in a new way in the meantime. You need a tribe. You need to be able to be honest and genuine. Right now you're hiding everything. Let's bring it out into the light so we can set it free. You will be lighter and freer. Lighter and freer, my dear. Then you can start to move.

Remember, you are beautiful in a way that can't be changed, by your body,, or your job or what others think. That part of you is solid and untouchable. YOU yourself are not vulnerable. You're safe. But I know you want more. It's time now. It's time for the journey. It won't be a perfect journey. There will be detours and rainstorms and times when you want to quit, but I'll be here right beside you and we'll find you some teammates to walk alongside you as well so you don't have to feel so lost and alone.

You are worthy of a free and wonderful life. You are enough. Your soul longs to be let loose. Your creativity is in a cage. Your body is being held at the gate. There is nothing you have to do, but you just need to set them free. They know the way. You know the way. Now you need to be brave enough to listen.

I love you. I'm right here with you. If rearranging your whole life is too much, just look at me and we will do one moment at a time. One minute, one hour, one day, one step at a time. That's all you have to do. You don't have to climb the whole mountain at once. This is under your control. Your little choices will have a great impact on the rest of your life. It's there. Can you see it? You're ready. And even if you're not. You are capable.

Love,
Me

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • RETAT60
    My mantra: She who is brave is free. I shout it daily. Facing truth takes courage. You are strong. Be brave.
    34 days ago
  • GREENISLANDMAC
    This blog sure came at the right time. Thank you.
    34 days ago
  • WARRIORSUE518
    Beautifully verbalized, as always. It took me until just recently, maybe a year ago to realize that shame produces nothing and in fact, just kept me down. Finding reason to love myself, even though that felt so unnatural, was the key for me. I am happy that you found that key sooner than later.

    Life is hard, but if one is willing to experience the discomfort of truth, I promise, it will take you far.
    34 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/14/2019 1:58:17 PM
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