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Plans change like the weather in FL and that's a LOT!

Sunday, October 13, 2019

emoticon Hello dear sparklers!

This has been a WEEK! The upstairs air conditioner finally took it's last gasp once the freon that they shot into it a few weeks back leaked out. It was an old a/c that we put in because we have always been reluctant to spend money on this house for maintenance items because we have been fighting an illegal foreclosure action on the house for the past 10 years...yes...you heard that right 10 LONG years of my life I have been fighting to save the roof over our head...now MY head now that I've lost my dear hubby of 41 years.

I must say...even when he was here with me this fight against the stinkin' bank has always been very much MY fight. DH was NOT a fighter in the mildest sense of the word. He just didn't have the stomach to stand up to unjust treatment so I guess it's lucky that he always had me. I was and always have been a fighter against the powerful preying on the weak.

Our son was exactly the same way. He had a keen sense of right and wrong and hated bullies and people in power that used their positions to beat down the vunerable.

So now that my dear husband is gone I'm not sure I have the fight left in me the way I did when he was alive. Nothing seems that important to me right now. I'm hoping to stay in our home of course...but the banks are devious and relentless in their greed so nothing is assured except their ongoing attacks that I have been paying our lawyer to hold off.

But in the meantime, I do have to address the faulty dead air conditioner that takes care of our upstairs. My craft studio is up there and I'm not up there all that often these days but I do hope to get my creative inspiration back once I crawl out of this deep dark grief hole.

I also think the upstairs air conditioner is important because without it the downstairs big unit probably works all that harder. The big A/C isn't new either so I worry about putting extra strain on it.

I was thinking of just putting in a window unit upstairs but in the heat of FL that goes well into December I think it would cost a fortune to run it and I'm not even sure if you can run it all day every day anyhow.

So it looks like I will have to bite the bullet and put in a new unit upstairs that will cost a bloody fortune and it's a cost I really don't want to deal with right now but if I have to leave the house I'm strapping that bloody unit on my back and it will go with me! emoticon

I was supposed to meet up with our old group last night after they finished a movie to meet them at the restaurant. I have already seen the movie so I was just planning on meeting them for dinner. But then I found out they wouldn't get to the restaurant until 7:30 and the restaurant they chose did not take reservations. That time of night is the busiest time to go out so they would probably have a good hour wait for a table for 10 or 12 people making dinner time somewhere around 9 p.m.

I don't know about you but I HATE eating dinner after 7 p.m. and I'd prefer to eat somewhere around 5:30 - 6:00. I'm a big fan of Interminnent Eating and I like to have a good 12-14 hours of a relaxed stomach not churning away to digest food if at all possible.

So I politely declined to meet the group and made plans to go to an early dinner with my BFF and her significant other.

Those plans fell through. Her guy suffers from Alzheimer's and I'm learning that the full moon which we now have makes it much worse for them to navigate. She said he was really out of it last night and I agreed with her completely...who wants to go eat when you don't feel well?

So I was home with my little buddy Mackelmore Blue...he was happy but I was pretty depressed.

I HATE evenings home alone. I've never been on my own for my entire 67 years and this period of being alone every single night is wearing on me.

We did go to brunch today which was very nice and Ken (her guy) seemed to be okay so I know it's usually the evenings that get hard. I think they call it 'Sundowners' syndrome.

I feel for her...she has taken on a LOT caring for him. Luckily she has arranged for home health care aides to stay with him while she works and this is all covered by Medicaid...this guy that was supposed to be a big Texas millionaire doesn't have a pot to pee in. I don't know if Michele was the one that built up his income (perhaps to impress our group), or it was he himself that led her to think such folly. I have seen him go downhill over the years that I have known him and it's a sad sight to behold. God bless him and God bless my dear friend Michele that takes such good care of him.

After brunch, I ran to WalMart to get some shellac so that I can seal a few pieces of mahogany wood furniture I have in the gallery. It's been on the floor for a good long time and something tells me unless I chalk paint it...it just isn't going to sell. I hate painting redwoods...they have to be sealed or the tannins bleed through which will ruin your new paint job. Twice the work but it's the only way to do it and do it right.

This little desk is adorable...just the wrong color.

These two little nightstands or side tables will be so cute painted white.

This beautiful server will take more time but it will be well worth it to see what interesting design I come up with to brighten it up and bring it in to today's trends.

There are two other small side tables to paint so I have my work cut out for me. I used to love to jump in into these new projects but I just don't want to do anything right now. emoticon

I'll be sharing with you how the furniture turns out. I'm also excited about getting some stencils in that will enhance the furniture also. So much to do...so little time to do it before season kicks into high gear.

Living day to day is a real challenge for me right now. I have to use every ounce of my willpower to even get out of bed in the morning. I feel like I'm in a bad movie and I want to call in an 'extra' to play my role so that I can go back to my 'real' life.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Depression is real .. so so real
    being overwhelmed is real
    all real
    questioning everything regarding life / death and everything in between so real

    trying to negotiate with reality ..
    when reality stinks .. is real too

    my heart aches for you ..

    yet I know deep inside .. we have that little spark that keeps us putting one foot in front of the other .. the spark of the divine that tells us ...
    keep going .. don't give up ..
    the song
    If you are going through hell .. keep on going .. is our theme song ..

    stand tall .. face the heavens .. ask for help .. then make the most of the day .. the most of the nigh .. make the most of every minute .. that is the only thing that is real is "now"

    I'm excited that you are starting some painting projects .. I just began to realize that I too love to paint .. the changing from what is to reveal new possibilities is exactly what we must do to not only get through the losses but to in fact come out better on the other side ... loss changes people .. bitter or better ..
    better it is ..

    sending you sunshine on a rainy day .. the deal of a lifetime on an air conditioner .. and a huge love filled hug ..

    12 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    I am concerned about you. HOw are you doing?
    20 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    What is new in Bobbi-World? MIss you!
    22 days ago
    Bobbi, I do understand about being alone, especially at night. I don't mind having a lot of alone time - I think after having 5 children underfoot all day and all night it's so peaceful to be alone. But I do know that those nights when Tom is not home are different than when I know he's in room downstairs!

    I know it doesn't seem like things will ever feel normal again, and it won't be the normal you are used to; but I'm sure one of these days you'll feel more like yourself. Hang in there, my friend. One day at a time. I am very proud of you for getting up each day even though you really don't feel you have the strength to face another day. You are truly an inspiration!
    24 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    I think that new furniture is beautiful as is..

    You have so many projects!
    27 days ago
    Bobbi, I'm so sorry you're feeling down. You have been through so much in the past year (or years, if you add the house battle to your taking care of Don during his illness). It must have been so hard. You are such a fighter, though, and I really admire your willingness to get up and go even when you don't feel like it. I pray that every day gets a little better and that one day you notice that you can feel joy again.

    When I'm depressed (which is actually sort of my default state, I'm sorry to say), it really helps to do something constructive, but it's SO hard to get started. As I sit here typing, I look out into our yard and see that there is much to be done. I sort of dread it, but once I get started, I don't want to stop, and then at the end of the day, I can see a cleaned-up section of our yard and feel good. I expect that's what might happen when you get started on your painting projects. I can't wait to see how you transform those ordinary tables into something special!
    28 days ago
    I caught up on your last two blogs just now. The gallery looks like a place I would love to visit . It appears you are doing well as you can...it is not easy and you have a heavy burden. Never heard of Sundowners. Interesting.
    28 days ago
  • LINDA!
    I can understand how the evenings are the worse. But glad that you have your sweet cat for company. emoticon
    29 days ago
    emoticon Nice furniture! Hope you ok....thinking of you....

    love, Wendy
    29 days ago
    I'm excited to see what you come up with on the paint projects. Prayers for you and your friend. Alzheimer's is an ugly disease and Ken is very fortunate that Michelle is willing to take care of him. I'm not sure that I can take my mother-in-law out to dinner because she is having anger outbursts that are just awful and I'm not sure that I can handle any more of these in public. It's a hard place to be in as a care-giver.

    Prayers love and HUGS to you!
    30 days ago
    Hi! Sweet SP friend. I've been thinking of you & just came by to see how you are doing. I KNOW you are going through a ruff time. I send you good ((((((((vibes)))))))) daily.

    30 days ago
    My heart goes out to you Bobbi and I know evenings are the worst when alone. I've not lost a spouse to death but have spent many nights on my own. Come what may, you are a strong woman and you will get through this. I have a friend who lost her dear husband in May of this year and I try to keep in touch with her every few days. I keep telling her to come out to see me but so far she hasn't. Maybe tomorrow!!

    I hope the AC can be restored without costing a King's ransom. emoticon
    31 days ago
    Can’t wait to see how you fix up those pieces! I imagine it must be a horrible adjust for you. Thankfully you have some good friends. Best wishes!
    32 days ago
    Oh I think painting the pieces in a color that will pop or a fun wash would be really cool. I am proud of you living life Bobbi, one day at a time. I am so sorry about your AC. Living in Florida I would imagine is impossible to be without that working. Maybe it can be fixed and not replaced. Any chance that happening?
    32 days ago
    Beautiful pieces. You’d love the little chest I kept from my mom’s. I have her Bible in it, some pictures, and I’m not sure what else I’lol keep in it. Yesterday was horrible. We were sure our little 19 year old cat was dying. We were shocked, amazed, and very happy that she’s recovered for now.
    33 days ago
  • LYNCHD05
    Thanks for sharing so much with us Bobbi. I can just imagine how hard it is....

    You are one strong lady....
    33 days ago
    I agree that the evenings would be the worst when you are alone.

    Can't wait to see the furniture. Now do have to get permission from the owners to change the furniture, and do they pay you back for what you have in the re-do?
    33 days ago
    Evenings alone will get better, I promise. Find some silly Housewives or game shows to put on for an hour or so. Something to turn off your brain. :)

    Whatever you decide to do with the tables will be good. You have a terrific eye.
    33 days ago
    33 days ago
    one day at a time, you will get through this emoticon
    33 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    33 days ago
    Hang in there, friend. The fighter in you will get you through this.
    Look forward to following your furniture painting and modernization projects.
    You are a true artist and know so much about furniture, woods, paint, etc.
    I have an old dresser which I would love to work over but don't really know where to start.
    emoticon emoticon

    33 days ago
    we were going to have central air put in 35 years ago.but never did so we have 4 window hair conditioners . In the simmer they run day & night never shut them off. We have the energy savers . They are so quiet.
    I wish they would get on with you home to get that out of the way.
    Our friends & neighbor he has cancer back for the 4th time & his wife has Alzeimers. She cannot cook any more they eat al weight watchers. he will be going thru chemo & he cannot be eating that disgusting food. His nutrtion will be so important during this time We are all trying to get together to help them . he is devasted They are in their 70's he just retired last year He had cancer 5 months ago & it came back for the 4th time.
    It is getting cold here in PA. half the days in the morning the heat is turned on.
    Take care Bobbi
    33 days ago
    God bless you for pushing on and continuing to fight
    for your home and your lifestyle. Do what is best for you.
    I know your projects always turn out gorgeous.
    34 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your feelings in an open way. Maybe many here have experienced the loss of a spouse and are thinking how well you describe this process of grieving for your life partner. Prayers for your strength to continue!
    34 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    34 days ago
    Thank you so much for sharing your journey through the grieving process fro your dear man...I am exactly your age and have been married 51 years now and not sure how I will be when the inevitable happens.
    I hope you get some peace of mind and relaxation updating that furniture.
    34 days ago
    Sending you love and hugs
    34 days ago
    I understand all too well. Hope things start to go your way soon, Bobbi.
    34 days ago
    Hang in there Bobbie, it will get better, it just takes time. I know, sometimes a longgg time. I’m glad you have Macklemore for company, though in no way does that compare to hubby, nothing and nobody compares to him. emoticon emoticon
    34 days ago
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