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A visit with a difficult family member

Friday, February 08, 2019

I love this family member and I yearn for a better relationship with her. She is my relative and unfortunately she can also trigger some emotional stressors. Stressors that in the past would lead me down months/weeks of depression and toward food.

You see, I’m a recovering emotional overeater. The last 3 years I have been learning to deal with the reasons why I had an unhealthy food relationship. One of those reasons were how I reacted to the criticism, judgement, and negative comments made to me by this relative. I endured it as a child and now well into my adult years. So much so that combined with my childhood life experiences made me feel like I was broken, unwanted, not worth being loved, trash to be discarded.

In the past, the cycle was always the same, this relative and I would spend time together, and afterwards I would get depressed and/or immediately turn to food to ignore the feelings. To avoid dealing with them. My emotional overeating led to me weighing over 450 lbs.

3 years ago, I made the biggest, healthiest, and best choice for me. I wanted to be healthier, to be a better person inside and out, to lose the weight, and to control my blood sugars as I was recently diagnosed with diabetes.

It’s been hard, looking deep inside me, to understand, to learn, to change. Last year, I wasn’t strong enough and last year’s visit with this relative led me down a familiar tunnel. It lasted 3 months, and while I ate healthy, I still over ate. I also didn’t exercise. All of which led to more defeat and gaining 20 lbs.

Then I realized a few things. It happened as I cried when I read a blog post of another SparkPeople member. I realized I wasn’t alone, that others like me dealt with the same issues. I realized no one can make me feel anything unless I let them. No one can take my happiness. I realized that I was on my journey for me and not for anyone else. I was on this journey to heal the broken me.

If you read my page and previous blogs, you know that I have not only reaffirmed my dedication to still lose more weight and remain in a healthy eating lifestyle but that I have lost those 20 lbs and more.

The last 2 weeks, my relative came to spend time with my family. I am stronger, I am healthier, I am a conqueror. I had my moments but I used my workouts to deal with those emotions as they came. I didn’t use food. The stress was there as my weight stayed the same the second week almost. BUT and here’s the biggest but, I was and am happier. In fact, in spite of her negativity I still had fun. I have more compassion for her which lets me deal with my emotions in a healthier way.

Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for being the needed support I have needed during my journey.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    What an awesome blog to read. Like you I am dealing with emotional overeating and with very difficult relatives. Your blog just gave me hope.
    619 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts.. I had to finally let a family member go it is not what i wanted but had to do what was best for me
    691 days ago
  • SLIDER72
    Thank you for sharing. Thank you for inspiring me. I am still at the beginning of my journey and although I don’t have person affecting me like this, I have other factors that caused me to end up with 425lbs. I am inspired by your story, determination and your spirit to overcome. Thanks.
    695 days ago
    I am so proud of you! You deserve to be loved and to love yourself. So please be Happy! 🌹🌷⚘🌹🐶🐕
    703 days ago
    Good for you!

    She must be a very unhappy person. THAT is sad. You planned for how this visit was going to turn out and you worked your plan well.
    708 days ago
    You are amazing!!! I am crying happy tears for you!!! Thank you so much!!!! emoticon emoticon You know I'm all about choosing to be happy no matter what life throws at you, you did an awesome job and I am so super proud of you!!!

    708 days ago
    emoticon emoticon Major!!

    708 days ago
    No one can get your goat unless you show them where you keep it... you and you alone are in charge of your emotions and how you deal with them... if someone is toxic you have the choice, family or not, to walk away... sometimes we have to take them in small increments only and like exercise, build up our tolerance to them. Do not let them destroy you...you are worth more than that
    709 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14456645
    emoticon emoticon emoticon wow, what a deep in the heart *epiphany* and change/shift in how you cope with this person... and way forward for other shifts ~ thank you for sharing this ~ you sparked me today... Onward! I look forward to celebrating more essential changes and progress as you tackle even more along the way! SparkCheers :)
    709 days ago
    Sometimes, no matter their title, people are toxic, I am glad that you reached out, and I am glad that you survived. No shame either way. Not your responsibility
    709 days ago
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