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LADYANDREA2012
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Family Life Still Not Easy/Feelings Holding Me Back

Tuesday, January 08, 2019

It's being a long time that I do not blog, but I feel so awful and upset that I need to let it out to the Universe trying to regain peace in my life and with myself.

Christmas is supposed to be a happy time to share with friends and family, but for me it has turn to be a dreadful time of trouble and sad feelings. My sister, a grownup like me with grandkids like me acts like a kid, but this year she blowups everything. She kept comparing my kids and grandkids to hers. I do not understand why. This Epiphany celebration she told my mom a real bunch of unfair and nasty things about my youngest. I do not understand either why my mom told me all about it, but she did that same night.

It got me. It got into my nerves. I felt furious. I felt hurt. I couldn't managed it. So I decided not to eat because I did not want to end up binging on sweets. So without thinking about what I was doing, I got the guts to write a message to my sister telling her that I knew about what she said about my youngest and her loving kiddos. I asked her to stopped it because I was tired and very overwhelm with the situation and I also made a desicion and let her know, to take her out of my life relationships because she is toxic to me and it is harming myself and my health (by the way, my blood pressure was high this morning and could not sleep well last night feeling like trash).

Fearing her reaction, I blocked her from all my social media, and from my cell phone, so I do not know what happened after I sent the email, yesterday. But this morning I feel like trash again. I feel very sad like if something is dying inside of me. I do not understand why I feel so sad and like I did wrong. I do not know if it is a weird feeling of having the guts to tell her, "I know it stop it" . I do not know if it is the hurt that it is my sister, my only sister because all the rest are brothers. I do not know if it is the sadness of expecting another behavior from a sister and realizing that it won't be like that ever, ... I do not understand this weir sad feeling and I am scared of binging on sweets so I decided to stay on water and coffee until I figured out why I am feeling so sad and so bad, like if I were a bad, nasty witch. All I know is that I felt tired and I wanted to protect myself from more emotional damage that bottom line gets me to binge and overeating.

Can you please have a look from the outside and help me figured out why I am feeling so sad and that I am the bad one after all that had been happening from years now. Did I do wrong, did I chose bad, Am I the a bad person for doing that? Why is it that I feel so weird today. Please I need support and help. Thank you for stopping by and reading.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JULIJULINN
    Where are you?
    52 days ago
  • POLSKARENIA
    I minimise contact with my sister and we are only two, although I do keep in touch with her daughters... sometimes it just has to be that way....
    607 days ago
  • ICANINSIGHT
    Let not your heart be troubled... we have no choice in family. Sometimes you cannot avoid them, but you can limit the time with them. Don't feel bad, count the blessings of the ones who do love you and move on. She seems very troubled.
    620 days ago
  • KALIGIRL
    Sorry for your troubles... emoticon
    625 days ago
  • MAGICAL13
    You have done nothing wrong. It is unfortunate but some people are just that way. They are not feeling good themselves and bring others around them down as well. It is normal and healthy to be sad it is a loss in your life and you will have to feel the emotions you are having. It will get better and you will eventually realize it was the best decision for you and your family. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    626 days ago
  • MAGICAL13
    You have done nothing wrong. It is unfortunate but some people are just that way. They are not feeling good themselves and bring others around them down as well. It is normal and healthy to be sad it is a loss on your life and you will have to feel the emotions you are having. It will get better and you will eventually realize it was the best decision for you and your family. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    626 days ago
  • HAPPY-CATHE
    It's sad and hard I know. You did thre right thing. You've got yo take care of you.Keep your chin up emoticon
    626 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    YOu did the right thing and I don't blame you for feeling sad! But you did what is best for YOU. And that's what it's really all about.
    626 days ago
  • NEVERORNOW
    You did the right thing. You are a good person with a tender heart, who does not deserve to be treated like that. It's sad to have to walk away from toxic people, but sometimes it's necessary. Don't blame yourself. You are not the one telling lies and being hateful. It's not your fault that your sister behaves that way. I have a sister that I haven't spoken to in many years. She's caused so much pain for my husband and I and my kids, I finally said "enough is enough" and walked away. At first I felt guilty about doing that, but over time I've realized how much better my health is without her bullying and harassment. I still feel sad about it sometimes, but finally I have peace. I feel better for having stood up for myself. Take care of yourself, okay? emoticon
    626 days ago
  • RAMONA1954
    You did the right thing. You set up boundaries which needed to be done. You dont deserve the stress and abuse from her. On your thoughts you're feeling disappointment due to her actions. It's a huge step towards your peace. It's for your health
    626 days ago
  • SKIRUNNER1
    You did the right thing. You set a boundary. “Family” doesn’t automatically loving. Of course you’re sad. It’s hard to acknowledge that people hurt us. I do also wonder why your mother told you about it. You can just let yourself be sad because that is an appropriate emotion in the situation. You should also feel proud that you were strong enough to do it and incredibly proud that you are not using food to deal with it. emoticon
    626 days ago
  • no profile photo FINMAN5150
    When you make a decision to let them go, it's like a death. You need to grieve and go through the grieving process. You can't go around it, you must go thru it. Sad is definitely part of the process of loss. You have to take care of yourself! Prayer!
    626 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    If this is true, and I don't see any reason why your mother would lie about it, then I think it is better for you and your sister to part ways. Especially for your children's sake. Presenting them in a bad light to their grandmother is fairly low.

    My hubby had to distance himself from family members who threatened to physically abuse him and were mentally abusive to him. They talked bad about me and our son and my hubby had his fill of them. He doesn't miss them. It's good to be away from all of their drama.

    Take care of yourself and your family.
    626 days ago
  • MISSJUDYANNE
    I'm so sorry that you're feeling sad. Sounds like it's a combination of everything right now. Your sister will come around. Take care of you and your family, and leave the drama behind. I'm sure you're a great person. Take care!!
    626 days ago
  • SQUIGGMOOCOW
    Because it's hard when you have to turn away from family, I have been there and done that. You cant fix whatever is wrong in your life with negative people around, go do what you need to do. She'll either fix her attitude and be around or she wont.
    626 days ago
  • TRESSWANN
    It happens sometimes and it is sad. I have not spoken or seen my brother and only sibling in over 10 years. You can't choose your family but if they are harmful to you, you need to let them go.
    626 days ago
  • S_MHANCOCK
    Stay encouraged and take care of yourself my friend!!
    626 days ago
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