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SUZEMARIE73
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Confessions

Wednesday, November 07, 2018

Let's start with the good stuff: I am able to maintain a pretty consistent low carb/high fat (primarily keto) diet. This helps me overall eliminate cravings and stay feeling well. I have my cheat moments, but when I do it is always a great reminder why I am doing this because I immediately feel the negative impact of the carbs etc.

I've lost a total of 80lbs from my highest ever (known) weight. I have 50-70lbs to go depending on how I feel as I get there.

I've been maintaining a pretty consistent exercise routine as well. Going to the gym now about 3 mornings a week. Would like to increase that but right now I'm aiming for consistency. The days I don't go, I try to get in a short walk at work or at least some squats and planks in my office to get my body moving.

Now... the bad stuff. Despite the fact that I love my husband, I currently hate my life. We got custody, very suddenly, of my husband's son over the summer. He is 10 years old and has major behavior issues--to the point we had to pull him out of school and homeschool because we were getting called up to the school daily for issues. We sent the boy to grandmas for a couple weeks to get a reprieve and now he is back home. My husband is the one homeschooling because my job is the higher paying one and the one sustaining us. DH is overburdened by this job of homeschooling. It is making him a basket case and by the time I get home from work he has NOTHING left for me. (We are newlyweds and should be in our love bubble still). I am beginning to resent the boy for what he is doing to my husband and our relationship. But I don't see what other options we have. HIs mother can't handle him. Grandma isn't an option really. We can't afford boarding school. ...The gym has become a reasonable excuse to get me out of the house and away from the situation and I'm becoming a workaholic so I can avoid the conflicts and frustrations. I feel like such an awful human for what I am about to say, but I really just wish this kid would go away. DH has 2 daughers too (that still live with their mom) and we don't have the same kinds of issues with them at all, so it really is kid specific and not like I just don't want to parent. But this kind of parenting...it's going to kill me. I don't know what to do. I can't just leave. I'm married. I value my marriage and my vows and my husband, but I can't live like this and I can't afford many alternatives.

..If you've made it this far thanks for reading. Sorry for ranting. Also, I appreciate any kind words or prayers. But please spare me any negative feedback. Like...if you don't have something nice to say then don't say it at all... I already feel bad about feeling the way I do in this situation.
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