Freedom tastes so much better than cake
Tuesday, May 01, 2018
"The most important day is the day you decide you are good enough for you. It's the day you set yourself free." ---Brittany Josephina
Hey...I'm back, with tail tucked and head downcast in shame....
Time to own up. Between Sept. 2015 (164#) and March, 2018 (246#) I gained 80+ pounds. Seriously, Pam???
Life has been kicking my a$$, and I turned to my old friend, Comfort Food. I resumed night time binging on ice cream, waiting until my husband went to sleep so I could feed my anxiety in private. I was too embarrassed to do it with him watching. Like he did not notice his ice cream was disappearing at an alarming rate?? I would sporadically eat healthy, sometimes all day, and then when night time came? Oops, never mind, and once I ate that, I might as well eat this. Right?? That is how I've been handling my stress.
Then, I decided I needed to change this behavior. I am killing myself with food. I am stressing my poor joints, my back hurts, the list continues. Boo hoo.
I have a current situation that is very, very serious, and inevitably it will end very, very badly. Very badly.
I decided the place to start is with me. I have no control over this situation (my son, again, for my old friends, you know, the damaged one?) but I do have control over me. I started up at the gym again, and it brings me so much satisfaction, not to mention stress-busting. I call it my anti-Eric pill. Go use the treadmill for 45 minutes and I dare you to still feel anxiety. Nope, not there. Good job, Pam.
I (for real) started eating healthy. I am tracking every bite I put in my mouth and monitoring my active minutes, intentionally walking and getting my steps in. Being here on Spark helps keep me accountable, keeps me focused, and was my lifeline when I first started this journey to wellness. I have missed my Spark friends. :)
I am going to be a warrior, and prepare myself for battle. It feels good. Really good. I know I cannot truly prepare myself for what is coming, but I am no longer letting anxiety and anticipation rule my life. I am taking care of me. An added perk is that in April I lost 12 of those regained pounds and that includes a week I was on vacation. Way to go Pam! I am again my own cheerleader.
Again, back on track and feeling in control. All I can control is ME. I must remind myself of that on a daily basis and, hopefully, what I am now doing will simply become what I do. It will resume being just what I do and how I live, instead of having to remind myself. I did it before and I will do it again.
I am not arrogant or unwise enough to say, I got this. I don't want the time to come again where I feel over confident, oh, I can handle this one piece of cake.. I got this. NOT. That is how it all got away from me in the first place. My one bad day turned into a month, into 2 years, as life piled on more and more and I let it suffocate me. I can now take a full breath. It feels so much better now that I have taken charge of my life, instead of letting my life kick my behind.
So, here we go again, moving forward, like a boss.