Things said without thinking
Monday, April 09, 2018
One of the hardest things about grieving is holding my tongue when someone says something, trying to be kind, but without thinking.
For example, telling me my children are in "a better place." I mean, yeah, I get that they are in heaven, which should be everyone's goal, but I would prefer that they were here with me, thankyewverymuch. Or when I say that I am unable to do much because one of the physical effects of trauma is being completely exhausted and fatigued, and they tell me I should go back to working full time to take my mind off of things. "Everything happens for a reason" is a really rough one, because I don't see a reason except the court system is broken, and that's not a comfort.
The things that are helpful, however, are the friends that say, "Do you remember when they_______." Or the ones who say "I can't imagine what you are feeling, but I am here for you." Or the ones who know that I'm having a tough few days, so they come by with take-out chicken and waffles as an excuse to see me.
I'm learning a lot about how to be kind, and how to accept kindness.