I'm a Sugar Addict
Sunday, March 04, 2018
Today is day 9 without any added sweeteners. Many people would be surprised at how many things sweeteners are added to. Here is a short list:
Canned baked beans
Some canned soups
Pasta (tomato) sauce
Whey protein powder
And then there's the obvious:
It's been really tough for me to avoid ALL added sugars for the past 9 days. My body has ended it's physical dependence after the 3rd day when all of the extra yeast in my stomach that was living off of the extra sugar I put in there has died off. My second and third days where the worst. I wanted to eat EVERYTHING! I allowed myself to indulge, but only on things that didn't have added sugars. After that, it mainly calmed down for a while. I managed to give away the daily hershey kiss one of my students gives me on a daily basis and things were starting to look up.
Then yesterday, I again REALLY wanted sugar. Some people think this is just because I brought my son to a birthday party and there was cake and soda there, but really it started earlier in the day. I woke up hungry, but my usual breakfast tasted bland. In fact, everything I ate yesterday tasted bland. It needed something extra. It needed sugar. I needed sugar. I was good and splurged on pizza. Sure, they probably added a negligible amount of sugar to make the yeast activate and rise faster, but it's better than pigging out on cake or candy. But the pizza wasn't enough. I wanted candy. I settled for fruit. I went to a diner and saw this tasty looking mousse pie that I wanted REALLY REALLY badly. I splurged on poutine instead. I think that's when I truly realized that I'm a sugar addict.
I thought back to all the times when I thought I would just be okay having one of something. It might have been candy or cookies or ice cream, but one always led to more. And then I found myself wondering how I managed to eat the whole box, the whole bag, or the whole pint in one sitting. Then I berated myself for being a fat f*** and resolved to do better next time. I came to the realization yesterday that there may have to be no next time. If I truly want to give up sugar, I can't go back to it. If one candy can lead to the whole bag, how can I possibly go back for a taste? I am an addict. And what that means, with sugar, with alcohol, with drugs, is that I can't be trusted to have any because it leads to me having more. I may never have a chocolate mousse pie again and that idea makes me really sad, because I love chocolate mousse. That's where the real and true question comes in -- how do I ever get myself to accept the fact that I can never have sugar again?