LOOKING FORWARD WITH HOPE

It's been awhile since I've written a blog so it's time.

Recovery from my accident has not been easy. They tell you at Physio that no one recovers in a straight line. That there will be periods of progress that will likely be followed by plateaus or even steps backward. It's those dips into the valley that cause me the most difficulty. I try to approach each new day with a feeling of optimism, always looking for the positive, no matter how small it might be. More often than not I am successful. Sometimes I am not.

The last few days have found me in one of those valleys where things appear bleak. I found myself saying, I hate my life. I hate my knee. I'm never going to get any better. This is as good as it's going to get. Physio is a waste of time. I compare myself with others . . . the pastor who has cerebral palsy, the kid in my block who also has CP. I think I walk like them, only slower. I think of myself as a cripple. As someone who is going to have pain for the rest of my life . . .
My mind is very strong but at times like this it is hard, if not impossible, to rein it in. To get back on a positive track.

This was how I approached my 24th physio visit today. I cancelled my next appointment prior to even seeing the therapist. When she asked the usual, "How are you?" I didn't feel like playing that 'I'm so cheerful, I'm doing great' game. I think when I asked her what she was really asking you knew this was not going to be one of those upbeat 'I'm so grateful for all the progress I've been making . . . ' kind of sessions. I couldn't even lie and say I was okay. So I told her how I'd been feeling. She listened. She heard me. She altered my program. And then I stayed and did my exercises and had acupuncture (even if I don't feel it makes any difference) and ice. By the time I left there I told her my mood was at least 75-80% better. I thanked her for listening. She gave me a hug.

Then I came home and logged onto Spark People. I saw messages of encouragement from Spark friends. I responded to posts on the Spark Page and this is what I found:
LOOK FORWARD WITH HOPE
NOT BACKWARDS WITH REGRET
I needed to see this message today. It's how I usually approach my days. Not mired in stinking thinking. I'm so grateful to be back on the right side of recovery.

Thank you for reading.