Thursday, January 04, 2018
So I had a hiccup during the holidays. I found out that I will most likely need spine surgery, and it quite honestly sent me into a mini depression. Then it was followed with things that made me feel not so independent, like I was unable to cut my food at Christmas because of muscle weakness from the nerve impingement. The muscle weakness is what concerned the spine specialist the most because that could become permanent if we wait too long. I am hoping that hard part of 2018 is in the beginning of the year, and that it gets better from here. I am hoping the health is the only big obstacle here in the beginning of the year.
Last week, my trainer face-timed me because he was worried about me. I had gone from being at the gym daily, to run in the pool, to not coming in at all. I am kind of glad that I have someone to keep me accountable. I know the food I put in my body, my activity level, and mood are all reciprocal to each other, so the very act of making myself still go to the gym might have help me get out of my funk faster. I know I compounded the bad mood by eating a bunch of sugar. December is my birthday month, so I literally ate cake for breakfast a few days, and that cake was not my friend. That was not some empowering moment, but rather me drowning my sorrows with something that would intensify my unhappiness. So we are rebooting and detoxing this week.
I already wrote a blog about how I set 14 goals for 2017. I completed 10 of them and made some progress towards the other four. This year, my focus is going to be on two things only... health and getting into a graduate program. I do have a small 8 item list of other goals for the year, but these are the two that count most. My trainer told me that once I can workout again and am well, he is going to work me much harder. He basically modifies everything for me currently because of my injury. So my current plan is I am going to quickly finish up my grad school application this month before they schedule surgery. I am going to go daily to the gym as well. Once surgery is scheduled, I plan do whatever is allowed as far as physical activity (probably walking) until I get the green light to finally go back to work and workout. Then it's on...
I am whittling down distractors in my life. I deleted all the online dating accounts. I do not know if it's perimenopause, or something else, but I feel like dating is a HUGE waste of my time currently. My New Years date was the icing on the cake. That dude was awkward and angry. I went home before New Years to be with my son. I didn't want that bad mojo following me into the new year. I've been purging things that I don't need. I've been even contemplating if I could live without Facebook. I don't think I can give up the FB yet. I just want a simple year of healing and growth, is that too much to ask for? I'll get through all of this and be in better place in a few years.