I can actually do this:)
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
After years of trying to loose weight ineffectively, I feel positive that I can do this. I started focusing on what I eat and tracking on 17 October. By 21 November I had lost 7 kg's which I was trilled about. The great thing is that I didn't feel deprived.
I went on holiday on the 23 November, when I weighed myself on 28 November I had gained 2 kg's. I knew it was because I had not been eating well that week, this however brought back thoughts that maybe I can not do this. You see I have tried before and I always fail. I felt that the 7 kg's that I had lost was a miracle and didn't think it was because of my choices. After gaining the weight back the guilt made it difficult for me to get back to eating healthy. I ate the very food that made me gain and felt guilty afterwards which made me eat even more.
My 28 November weigh in had more bad news. I had gained more 1.2 kg. In that moment I was convinced that what I have always believed is true, I can not loose weight. This broke my heart, I felt that history is repeating itself. My saving grace was remember something I blogged about in 2012. After reading someone's blog on Spark people I realised that I always sabotage myself whenever I start loosing weight. I told myself that I had to deal with this belief that I cannot loose weight. I spoke to my therapist about it and managed to deal with it. Sabotaging myself is a self fulfilling prophecy. There is no reason for me to believe that I cannot loose weight. My weight is because of the choices that I make. I have checked and I have no medical condition that makes me gain weight. Its a lie that I have believed and used it as an excuse for me not to do anything.
Tracking helps me to be more mindful of what I eat. Even when I eat something that is not healthy but at least I am mindful that I have made that choice. I am happy that when I weighed myself on 12 December I had lost 1.2 kg. I am back on track and it is not by luck, it is because of the choices that I have made. I am proud of myself, I am doing well.
I have 60 kg's in total to loose. I have lost 6 already. I can do this and I will do it:)