30wks

Not a very positive post. Mostly a rambling vent.

I just had my visit with my specialist yesterday and I'm just so...overwhelmed. Frustrated. Pissed. Worried. Upset. I'm bouncing back and forth between upset that they are overreacting (they said you just barely flunked, but a flunk is a flunk), pissed off that they told me I would not be going until my due date (like it's just not even an option now, I'm going to have this baby at 37-39 wks depending on how well we control my blood sugars and how well the baby grows), upset that they are so worried about the baby's size being on the big side at this point (my husband is 6'4" and I have a 6'8" uncle, my first son they tried to tell me would be over 10lbs and he was only 8' 2oz, and this one they're saying they're trying to keep him from being 11lbs before he's born and it's because of the gd), worried and scared for my baby, defeated that the doctors seem to have already made up their minds about how the next 10 (scratch that, 7-9) weeks of my pregnancy are going to go, overwhelmed that I have to suddenly constantly worry about what I eat and when and how many carbs/protein/fat...and then I can't REALLY control what my blood sugar does...it will do what it does and I have to roll with it and there's a lot of tweaking involved for each person but I have ONE WEEK to try to tweak things or I'm going on meds...I can handle the idea of meds, but the thing that bothers me even more is that they are going to want me in at least twice a week for the rest of my pregnancy to size the baby at $40 copay per visit...so minimum $560 in the next 7wks that I don't have. Not to mention I WORK FULL TIME. I have an awesome boss, but on top of everything I feel like a failure for being so distracted at work and then having to take so much time off. Aaaand I'm crying again. And it's time to go check freaking blood sugars again.