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Letting go and starting anew!

Thursday, January 19, 2017

I can't believe how many years it has been since I last blogged. But then I haven't really been committed to my health either, so it all goes hand in hand.

Last year was a rough one, a roller coaster of ups and downs. And more of a reboot of my life than I could have ever realized. I split up with my boyfriend of almost 9 years in August, moved into my own place in September and my dad died in October.

I had already been helping my parents as my dad had been diagnosed with cancer in October of 2014. I have siblings that all live near me, but for the most part, it was me who stepped up and did whatever I could to help. My dad died Oct. 30, 2016, he was 89 and thankfully he had done well up until about the last 2 months of his life. My mom is 87 and in fairly good health, and I am hoping she will stay that way for a year or so, so that I can focus on getting my health/physical self back on track before I have to start worrying about her.

I was not happy with myself and my relationship for quite a while but it took getting in to therapy to really admit to myself how bad it was. I had to get honest with myself and wow, if you had told me a year ago that I would be ending a relationship and moving into my own place, I wouldn't have believed it. I realized how much I had comprised myself in order to keep my partner happy (and he is a good guy) but I wasn't being real. It wasn't fair to me or to him and I let my fear of losing him, my fear of confrontation, keep me in a relationship probably way too long. I think if I hadn't been afraid to speak my mind, we wouldn't had lasted as long as we did. (I plan on getting into more detail about my relationship in another blog) So, therapy gave me the strength to face my fears and really be honest about myself, my boyfriend and our relationship. It has not been easy, but I am so much happier. It feels right to be back in my own place, living alone, just me and the cats!

I am still in therapy and have come a long ways, so the mental and emotional have improved a lot, I am feeling my feelings instead of eating my feelings! Now, I am starting to focus on the physical. I recommitted myself to Weight Watchers - I had been attending meetings but doing little else. I finally weighed in after almost 6 months and had actually maintained which made me happy, although sure would have been nice to see a loss considering all the stress I had been through emoticon I got back on track with my walking about 2 weeks ago - I always wear my fitbit, but I hadn't reached my 10,000 steps goal in months. I have been cooking a lot more at home, and eating out less. It was so easy to say I am tired and just pick something up on the way home. It feels good to be more conscious of my food.

My next steps are to start tracking daily, and to do some menu planning. I know that if I can get myself back in to high gear and truly work the plan, then I will lose weight. My goal weight is above what WW says it should be, but I don't care. I am more concerned about how I feel and not a number on the scale.

I also plan to blog on a more regular basis as I know it helps to get out all the thoughts in my head, my fears, etc and I appreciate the support from my friends. I need to be honest with me, with you, with everyone, it is the only way I can move forward and get back to the real me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Carolyn, I was moved by your blog. What an incredible, life-changing year 2016 was for you! I salute your strength in getting through all that, with hope and integrity intact. It took a lot of courage to face the truth about your relationship and to leap into the unknown, but you did it, and from your calm, hopeful tone, I can tell that you have the best years of your life ahead of you. I hope that your mother's health holds steady so that you can focus on yourself for a while. You know what they say--secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others.

    May 2017 be your best year so far! I look forward to seeing you here very often as we take this journey together, because I will be working on regaining my health, too. We can do it!
    1341 days ago
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