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I'm Struggling

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

There, I said it.

I am not looking for anything here, just venting in my safe place.

I finally got my walk/jog groove back and had been doing quite well, PR-ing one 5k race after another. My hubs decided he wanted to start horseback riding, so I threw that in once a week as well. Everything was going swimmingly. Then, I hurt my knee in early December. I thought it was muscle, but it turns out that my knee is pretty much shredded. I've already had 4 surgeries on this knee, including a partial replacement. I can't even right now.

Then in mid-December I was offered a really good position at a fast growing company based right here in the CLE - not in the EU like my current organization where the only advancement opportunities also lie. I'm leaving manufacturing for an office. An anything goes atmosphere for a structured organization. And I can hardly wait. It's going to be an amazing career move for me, but I am starting to doubt my decision because change is scary.

Then last week, for the first time in my life, I lost a close friend. She was across the country from me, so I didn't see her often, but we kept in touch. We went to college together. She, another friend an I were regularly referred to as the 3 Amigos within our program. The three of us even traveled to Europe together for study abroad. I was with her when we found out about 9/11. She passed away Friday from cancer. She's my age. She has 2 kids - one in middle school and one in high school . She and her hubs were still madly in love after 20 years together. I am shattered. I am heartbroken. G was an amazing woman, wife, mother, friend. I can't even quite grasp that this has happened.

My stress and anxiety levels are off the charts.

I am eating like crap and I can't do any extra walking, race training, or exercise until I see the ortho in a month. I am trying to rein it in, but I just sit and cry.

I know that this too shall pass; writing about it helps.

Thanks for letting me vent.


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