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It's a new year- and I'm feeling good

Sunday, January 01, 2017

It's been awhile since I posted here. I am sort of in a holding pattern with life lately and have had a lot of life stress going on.

But a catch up on health issues:

I am soon to be 17 months out from surgery. I am below my Dr.'s goal- and not quite at "my goal", but close. I have been battling with this for a few months now and while I have lost a few more pounds- I have decided that my body is just comfortable here. It is okay. I have spent my entire adult life not being okay in my own skin- and not being happy with who I was because of a number on a scale.

As the new year comes I am ready to let that go. I am not a number or a size and I never was. One thing that the gift of surgery gave me was my health back. I am thankful for that. The one thing it didn't change was ME. I am still- me. I still have the same emotional struggles and still 'see' myself as not 'enough'. Surgery didn't fix all that. I still want to reach for food for comfort or boredom or to just give myself something that is mine- surgery didn't fix that either.

While I am forever grateful for the physical changes in my life- and there are may of those- I am still working on just being okay being who I am right now. It's time for me to turn a page in my mind and stop living a life where I never measure up to who I think I should be- or what I should look like.

I am. And that is enough for today. It was always enough- I just didn't know it.

I remember when I was younger- I truly believed being 'thin' would fix everything. That I would be more lovable- happier- just 'more'. I've wasted most of my adult life feeling like I was less than because of the size I was. When I was always enough- I was always lovable because I loved and was loved- I always had the ability to be happy.

So 2017 for me will be about gratitude and living-

I will be grateful every day for my health and the body that carries me through this life. I will try my best to fuel this body with healthy foods and to give it exercise and movement.

I will be grateful for those who love me- and those I love. I will love by my actions and not my words- I will work to reach out to those who are in need if I can be there for them. I will pay it forward- I will give back that which has been freely given to me.

I will be grateful for my home- my job- I will not take for granted that I am warm and safe. I will be thankful to those who serve our country in so many ways- every day- to provide us with the safety and care we need.

I will be grateful that I am strong- that my spirit has not been broken- that I have survived some rough storms and always come out on the other side breathing, if broken. I will let that strength sustain me when I am in rough waters.

I am ready. I am enough.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you for sharing.
    915 days ago
    Di, you've come so far: physically and mentally. For me, finally being able to lose weight has opened a path to being happy. I can lose my way now and then, but as time passes and I'm more confident that I can do what needs to be done to continue and maintain the weight loss, I feel happier and happier! I know you've had a rough ride--hopefully the best is yet to come! with your resolve and insight, it's going to happen! Your attention and care to all the rest of us on the WLS team is so helpful! Thank you for being you!
    1410 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your journey. Your light really shines bright. Hugs from J
    1413 days ago
    OH wow. thanks for posting this! I was just blogging about some of the same things.
    Its good to know we're not alone on the journey.
    1432 days ago
    1432 days ago
  • KNH771
    Di, you made me tear up! There is so much to comment about... I remember thinking that being thin would "fix" my life too. Took me a while to come around to attempting self-acceptance. My goal for this year is to work on self-compassion. Not an easy task. Best of luck with your awesome goal.
    1432 days ago
    Amen, sister. You said it all!
    Love you! emoticon
    1432 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Di I hear everything you said and you know that is much of what I went through earlier this last year. All the changes and thought I would be different but no. I too would like to lose a few more pounds but seems my body likes it here so I am working to stay here. I might get those last off but I am not stressing on the subject.
    Also you are too right 'thin' fixing nothing its all in our heads and we need to be happy right now as things are. I thought I had to find happiness silly me it was right there I just had to let it be. There are times I still feel like I am 'fat' but again that in my mental picture of myself and not reality. I am working to get that old pic out of my head and let me see who I am right now. I know that is what you are working on too. We will get there. I do BELIEVE!!!

    Take care and wishing you a happy healthy 2017!!

    Hugs and smiles
    1433 days ago

    Love you
    1433 days ago
    I am glad you have found your way to peace. That will allow you to have the best year yet with your new life.
    1433 days ago
    Diane, I am SO happy to read this. I know there will be struggles ahead, but we both know that you will be victorious.

    Have a great year and keep reminding yourself that you are a wonderful person.

    1433 days ago
    Beautiful! I'm so happy & proud of you. I love you my sister.
    1434 days ago
    Gratitude is the key to success! emoticon
    1434 days ago
    What a wonderful statement! I wish you a healthy and happy new year. All the best!
    1434 days ago
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