Yes, I'm overweight again. No, I'm not done yet.
Tuesday, December 06, 2016
As of yesterday I'm now 8 months postpartum and I'm still exactly where I was weight wise post csection. My body isn't like most women in that I can't nurse and lose weight. It's not an excuse, it's just a fact. I don't know all the reasons why, I just know that with my other three, no matter how much I worked out or watched my eating, I would never lose more than a few pounds (that came right back) until they were mostly on solid foods. My body just CLINGS to whatever I gain during pregnancy. My previous baby I didn't gain much, and didn't have much to lose, but my body still clung to it. This time around I'm heavier thanks to the antidepressant I was on before and during my pregnancy. In fact, I started to put weight back on postpartum until I weaned off, then I dropped to where I was after delivery and it's where I stay.
It's frustrating. Ugh... no, it's EXTREMELY frustrating. But, being able to nurse our child is worth it for a multitude of reasons.
Why am I saying all this?
Because I know people notice.
They may not say anything outloud, but I know the thoughts are there, however fleeting they may be.
"She sure put on a lot this pregnancy."
"How is she this heavy if she worked out before, during and after?... and she's nursing...?"
"Shes Fallen off the wagon."
"She must be struggling."
"She was always an example of health.... I wonder if she'll ever get back to where she was."
Something along those lines. And I'm not saying that people are thinking it to be mean or out of spite, or at least I'd sure hope not.
My answer to all of those would be yes.
I know it's confusing, and people may even feel sorry for me... don't. I don't want to be a disappointment or to be felt bad for. This is just a season, and I have much hope that the winds will change again.
I said at the beginning of this blog post that I'm exactly where I was after my csection but that's actually not true.
I've lost inches, I'm running, I've done two races, I weaned off my antidepressant 22 weeks ago and am still off, my endurance, stamina and pace with running have greatly improved and I've done a lot of healing/forgiving this year. I've not stopped doing what I love to do (being active) and I have no intention of that changing.
I find myself reminiscing of the goals I set for 2016:
1.) finish my pregnancy being active and healthy.
2.) rest and recover from csection.
3.) adjust to being a family of 6
4.) ease back into running
5.) try to complete one race in the fall (I did two)
6.) nurse as long as possible.
I've met my goals, however simple they were. I planned well with the chaos of adding a member to our family and I'm glad I didn't give myself unrealistic expectations but still set some real goals.
Being skinny doesn't equal healthy, and being overweight doesn't equal lazy or out of shape.
The year is coming to a close, I'm already (have been for awhile) making plans for next years goals. Things will be kicked up a notch, which will be really good for me and in turn for my family.
During my last run I was wrestling those dang demons as I usually do and by the end I found myself saying, "I'm not done doing great things... I'm not done yet.... I'm not done yet."
I've been at this for 7 years now, I'm not going to stop now.
So here I am... watch me go.
Better yet... join me.