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I came crawling back...

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Hi SP, I've said this before but, it really has been a while this time. The last time I was on here was 3 years ago!! Yikes. A lot has happened in that time, let me tell you! And it's bad in terms of my health and weight. Get comfy because I foresee this blog post being really long...

I've reached a high of 271 pounds. Ugh, that hurts to admit. I've been overweight my whole life until my early 20's when something clicked and one of my tries at weight loss actually worked. I lost 60 pounds and got to a steady 155 and held that for about a year. Then I just gave up. Work stress, medications, not getting the reactions I thought I would for my weight loss... these shouldn't be excuses, but I just gave up. I shouldn't have and I really wish I would've kept up with everything. I hate myself for it, but the past is the past. I can't change that, but I can change the future.

As my weight has been creeping up these last couple years, I've had that "I want to lose weight but don't want to do anything about it" mentality that I had before successfully losing weight. At the beginning of this year I started going to the gym with a couple friends, but I wasn't fully committed. In February I got a personal trainer deal with one of those friends and I stuck with that for a few months, but I had to cut back on expenses so I quit. I had planned on still working out, but that didn't happen. She's still going strong with the trainer though! (Woo Lori! :P) Now recently I found a blog through Pinterest at halfofgabby.com. This lady has lost 120 pounds and the way she writes is just so real and it inspired me. I read all of her blog posts and then I remembered that I had blogged a bunch on here. I decided to sign in and read all of my posts from the beginning (I could barely stand myself in some of those posts by the way, ugh... how did you guys get through reading those!? lol), hoping to find that "spark!" It's kind of why I'm writing this now... reading my old posts has really motivated me! I need to get back on that wagon. It's also given me insight on how I want to write my future blogs.

Since the last time I was really active on here, I'd like to update my story here. I'm 28, got married to my boyfriend on Halloween almost 2 years ago, no kids yet but we definitely want one, and got 3 cats and a dog. I also never mentioned this before, but I got a job almost 4 years ago now working as a phlebotomist for a laboratory that I don't want to name here. Hmm... I think that's about all the major changes since then. I'll throw in minor updates in future blogs.

My reasons for wanting to lose weight this time around:
-future potential child. I want to be at a healthy weight when I get pregnant so that I'll have a better pregnancy and the baby will start off healthy!
-be happy with myself and gain confidence. The first time around I thought that I would become happy after losing weight. This time I know that's not how it works. I know I need to find it within myself and learn to only concern myself with what I think about me, not what anyone else thinks. Losing weight will help the process because it's what I want, but it's not the real reason for me to become happy.
-my health. I have a family history of diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems... I know I'm pushing it. I need to get my head back in the game and get serious about this. I saw a quote recently that goes perfectly with this: "Change before you have to." Why am I just waiting for something to happen!? I need to change NOW.

Well, I think that's all for now. This is going to be a slow start at first, but at least I'll be doing something! Thanks for reading and I'll write you later!
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