The Struggle is Real
Monday, July 11, 2016
I wake up in the mornings feeling good about myself. My stomach is flat and firm. My brain is telling me it's going to be a great day. I feel like I can conquer the world.
Then life happens. I try to be quiet so as not to wake anyone else up (this first hour of my day is my only alone time). I drink my coffee and plan my activities and food for the day. I eat my breakfast, and my belly isn't quite as flat as it was first thing. I give myself a little pep talk, and I'm still feeling okay about the day ahead.
I'm still being quiet, so I don't get that workout in yet, even though I'm amped up and ready to kick some butt. Morning is when I'm at my peak. Morning is when I have umph, the drive, the desire to be the best I can be. But here I go again, putting everyone else before myself. Being a mom controls every decision I make. I have to make sure the kids get enough sleep, so my needs gets pushed aside. I KNOW it won't hurt them to get up at 7:00 a.m. but the guilt of putting myself first wears me down, so I wait, and wait, and wait.
8:30 and they finally stir. They need this, they need that. Heaven forbid they do anything for themselves. But I cave, again, because they're not morning people like me. I make excuses for them as I cater to their morning needs. I know I should stand my ground and make them be more proactive, but I just can't seem to do it.
It's lunch time, and I still haven't gotten in that workout. My willpower is dwindling, so that healthy lunch I had planned for myself gets pushed aside for whatever quick thing they may want. I clean up afterwards, and because I didn't give my body the healthy energy it needs, I'm exhausted. I need to rest. I sit on the couch to relax with a good book, and before I know it a good chunk of time has gone by. Now the kids are needy again, and still no workout.
My belly is feeling bigger and softer as the day goes on. I'm getting crankier by the minute. Why should I bother trying to take better care of myself? It never works as planned anyway.
The day continues like this, and by the end my self-esteem is in the scrapper and I'm ready to throw in the towel. The next day I wake up and the cycle starts all over again.
I know I need to make changes, not just for myself but for the kids as well. They need to see what it's like to set goals, work hard towards them, and then the euphoria that can be experienced when they've been met. They need to learn that it's okay to take care of yourself, and so do I.
I know these things, and I'm working hard to put them into action. One day at a time. The struggle is real.