A lesson in vulnerability. It is okay to have a few down days.. just don't unpack and stay there.
Monday, April 04, 2016
I don’t even know where to start… which enforces the fact that I have a hard time showing vulnerability. When I am feeling good and doing good.. I don’t have a problem expressing myself. However, when I am not feeling well be it physically or emotionally I tend to either hide that or just shut down completely.
I don’t want people to know if I am hurting. I don’t like people to know if I am stressed.
Most of the time I maintain a positive outlook. I hate feeling that if I say I am hurt that it might bother someone. I shouldn’t feel that way.
In January I sat out on a journey with my family and we were doing so well!!! I was encouraging my husband and children to be more active and we were eating healthier foods.
In 10 weeks our weight loss was as follows:
Me: ………….16.6 lb loss
Husband: …...13. 6 lb loss
14 yr old: …....9.0 lb loss
13 yr old: …….9.8 lb loss
It was a complete lifestyle change. We were all on board. And then….
I got sick. I was plagued with anxiety attacks. My thyroid meds were all out of whack. Not to mention that I had horrible pain from lumbar strain, piriformis syndrome, aching knees, plantar fasciitis inflammation and a heel spur. Just typing this I feel that I want to delete the past few sentences because I do not like telling people I am hurting.
Even with all of that pain I was walking 4 to 6 miles a day. I wanted to maintain a positive influence on my kids.
A change in medicine caused me to quickly gain lots of water weight and made me super tired. I have slowed to a crawl over the past 2.5 weeks. Without mommy there (me) to keep a tight ship ...we started to sink.
I was really hoping that the ship would continue on a smooth course with mommy taking a smaller role.. But alas.. We were sinking.
…. And then came the pity party. Pity Party for 1, please?
Silly questions I allowed to enter my thoughts:
Why do I always have to be the strong one?
Can someone else in my family coach me for once?
Where is my cheerleader in the family?
Thank goodness for new days and fresh chances. Much of the water weight is starting to fall off and I feel a little better.
I haven’t been able to spark much and I am hoping to be able to get online more. The encouragement and support from my spark friends is so wonderful.
I just started a new 8 week Spark challenge. Go Team Wolf Spirit!!
I know that being a part of this team will help pull me out of this funk. Such a great group. :)
I haven’t been wearing my fitbit for almost 2 weeks and I need to put it back on!
Stumbling stones… tend to knock me down.. But I keep getting back up.
I have to realize that it is okay to let people know that I am struggling.