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A lesson in vulnerability. It is okay to have a few down days.. just don't unpack and stay there.

Monday, April 04, 2016

I don’t even know where to start… which enforces the fact that I have a hard time showing vulnerability. When I am feeling good and doing good.. I don’t have a problem expressing myself. However, when I am not feeling well be it physically or emotionally I tend to either hide that or just shut down completely.

I don’t want people to know if I am hurting. I don’t like people to know if I am stressed.

Most of the time I maintain a positive outlook. I hate feeling that if I say I am hurt that it might bother someone. I shouldn’t feel that way.

In January I sat out on a journey with my family and we were doing so well!!! I was encouraging my husband and children to be more active and we were eating healthier foods.

In 10 weeks our weight loss was as follows:

Me: ………….16.6 lb loss
Husband: …...13. 6 lb loss
14 yr old: …....9.0 lb loss
13 yr old: …….9.8 lb loss

It was a complete lifestyle change. We were all on board. And then….
I got sick. I was plagued with anxiety attacks. My thyroid meds were all out of whack. Not to mention that I had horrible pain from lumbar strain, piriformis syndrome, aching knees, plantar fasciitis inflammation and a heel spur. Just typing this I feel that I want to delete the past few sentences because I do not like telling people I am hurting.

Even with all of that pain I was walking 4 to 6 miles a day. I wanted to maintain a positive influence on my kids.

A change in medicine caused me to quickly gain lots of water weight and made me super tired. I have slowed to a crawl over the past 2.5 weeks. Without mommy there (me) to keep a tight ship ...we started to sink.
I was really hoping that the ship would continue on a smooth course with mommy taking a smaller role.. But alas.. We were sinking.

…. And then came the pity party. Pity Party for 1, please?

Silly questions I allowed to enter my thoughts:

Why do I always have to be the strong one?
Can someone else in my family coach me for once?
Where is my cheerleader in the family?

Thank goodness for new days and fresh chances. Much of the water weight is starting to fall off and I feel a little better.

I haven’t been able to spark much and I am hoping to be able to get online more. The encouragement and support from my spark friends is so wonderful.

I just started a new 8 week Spark challenge. Go Team Wolf Spirit!!

I know that being a part of this team will help pull me out of this funk. Such a great group. :)

I haven’t been wearing my fitbit for almost 2 weeks and I need to put it back on!

Stumbling stones… tend to knock me down.. But I keep getting back up.

I have to realize that it is okay to let people know that I am struggling.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD8054794
    Stay strong, you can do this! emoticon
    1374 days ago
    Well, you are making the best of what you can do! I have similar problems and if I don't do my morning stretches the day doesn't go well.

    We are here to help you through the vulnerable times. Wouldn't it be wonderful if every one was strong every day? That isn't real life.

    You can do this! emoticon

    1405 days ago
  • no profile photo CD16173110
    I am so sorry, but I am rooting you on!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1412 days ago
    I'm so sorry that you have been going thru so much! But your strength shines through..even if you don't think so! The Wolves are here for you! I'm here to cheer you on!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    emoticon for sharing..you inspire others!
    1412 days ago
  • CHANCE04
    I am sorry for your rough weeks and I'm happy you're back and seeing a little sunshine again. I started another 8wk challenge and I needed it too!
    1413 days ago
    You and I must have a lot in common. I become a hermit when I struggle. I don't mind admitting I'm struggling but putting words behind the struggles makes them worse, it seems. I also have a hard time with anxiety and with wallowing in self-pity when I back-slide. And I am so sensitive to change in medication. Ugh, Buspar gave me brain fog and vertigo and I could barely walk much less exercise. Congrats on coming back. Keep doing that!
    1413 days ago
  • VALYNN26
    I am so sorry that you've been having a rough time. And I sorry that when I sensed that things were a bit off that I didn't do more. I don't know, not trying to sound like a weirdo or anything (I am really not), but I have sensed for the last few weeks that things have been difficult for you & I am sorry for not following my instinct & at least seeing if I could help out anyway. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help/support you. Please Know that,you are not alone in your struugles. I know what it's like to have the aching knees (had that issue today), and the plantar fascitis, my feet hurt SO bad every day!. You're such an amazing person, friend, and inspiration!! Now dust off your fitbit & get ready to track some steps! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1413 days ago
    Those negative thoughts are so familiar. I am sorry you've gone through this, but it sounds like you know what to do to be back on track to making yourself healthier. We do care, and it is ok to be vulnerable. That's why the community is here. We want to support you.

    Please feel free to friend me if you like. Regardless, please do reach out to your friends when it's rough-going. It can make a big difference!
    1413 days ago
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