Returning after one year
Saturday, March 05, 2016
It has been so long since I had a blog entry. It has been more than a year. As I recall, I was talking about the impact of my brother's battle with cancer on me. And how I had just started working out again but had stopped since he got sick.
well, everything went down hill for me since January of 2015. All the events that have occurred has made me more depressed and fat. I lost my brother in April of 2015, 9 days after my birthday. My mother moved in with me. She is 89 years old and unable to do most tasks. She has qualified for an assistance during the day while I am at work. However I have no help with her in the evenings. My life has become very limited because I can not leave her alone. She got ill and had to have surgery in August but has recovered from the surgery to some extent. She obviously is not doing well since we lost my brother.
I again started to pick up the pieces in my life in fall of 2015. However, did not really get the chance. Around Thanksgiving, my lower back started hurting. I thought I had pulled a muscle or something. But the pain continued to get worst. I ended up going to the doctor and found out there was a problem with my disc. To make a long story short, I have been dealing with it since Christmas. I was placed on short-term disability from work. The doctor recommended walking in water or taking low impact classes only in water and physical therapy which I have been doing it. Unfortunately, I have made minimum improvements. As a result, I have become depressed and have gained weight. There is nothing I can do about it. I am not able or allowed to do any aerobic exercises. I loved walking and that is something that I absolutely can not do. I am not able to walk more than 15 minutes before I start hurting. The doctor tell me, this is eventually going to go away but I am beginning to doubt it and lose my hope. I don't want to become disabled at age 53!!!!!
I have decided to focus more on my faith in god to support me through this very difficult time. I know that I need something. Even though I am not that much better, I am going back to work on Monday. If I can handle it, I think it will be good for me. Wish me luck.
I am going to the pool later today and the doctor said I can start with biking for about 15 minutes. I will do it but I know I need a lot more than that to loose weight. I don't feel great about the way I look and a lot of my clothes have become tight on me since Christmas. I have lived in my yoga pants since this ordeal started. But the other day, I put my jeans on and I just looked horrible. I am a petite person so gaining 5 pounds, is an entire size on me.
I am changing my picture to an older picture of me with my brother in his memory. I am missing him every day.