Wednesday, October 21, 2015
I am so scared and sad and have been fluctuating between despair, anger and sadness - we are separating - my husband signed a lease for an apartment (he was going to sign one for 20 months but only did so for 8 months) and will be moving out soon. He says he wants to see if we are better apart than together and all I can think is I'm being rejected and he doesn't care. I am in shock and can't believe this is happening to me. It is one of the worst things in my entire life coming almost exactly a year after my mom went into the hospital never to come out again.
I must be strong for myself and my kids, but it's so hard and I don't understand how something that started so beautiful has ended up like this. I am so worried that my health is going to suffer - I have barely slept in days and am not functioning very well. I am trying to make sure I get exercise and sunshine when I can and trying to eat well, but sometimes I can barely make it .
I did go to a separation/divorce support group tonight and while I think it is important for me to get support, it almost felt worse. I think I have been in denial and feel like I'm going through a grieving process.
I am in two challenges and I will try to keep up with them but I don't know if I will be able to.