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I am working on being a better me.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

I have joined many BLC challenges. For many I lost weight and I felt like I was succeeding. Should I have based my worth on the scale, the challenges I had faced in those teams? I did at the time.

I know now that those temporary victories are not what makes me better. I discovered that if I want to succeed at being a better me it takes many different aspects. I need to have a drive that even with those challenges I didn't have. I was doing it for the team, I was doing challenges because it was a requirement each week to do LCWs, TNT Thursdays and weekend challenges. I found that I wasn't enjoying myself sometimes. There were great leaders, great teammates and still I felt outside. Not the fault of the team, I wasn't feeling great about myself so I failed.

I am now eating healthier, getting back to some of the activities I love. Some days I feel great and full of energy and some days I have to push myself to move. I am eating almost no processed foods, it should help my body. I am walking five miles a day, sometimes more. I just did a 3.37 5K, finished in under an hour. I haven't been able to do that for a while. It was not fast, but I finished, walked away and felt better about myself.

I am taking time for me. For the past year my focus was on my daughter. She had a difficult pregnancy and they stopped labor at least once a month for the last four months. When little Sebastian was born, he wasn't breathing for several minutes, was flown to a NICU 2 1/2 hours away and stayed for 3 weeks. he was back in the hospital 2 more times in his first six weeks of life. He has therapy and doctors at least twice a week. At 8 1/2 months old, he weighs 13 pounds and was born at just over seven, he has FTT(failure to thrive). I have spent all that time taking care of his mom, his sister and him. they are finally back home and I take them to the appointments, spend lunch with them each day. Still most of my day is taking care of them.....but I do take time for me. I refuse to go to bed until I put my steps in for the day, outdoors in the fresh air with only the sounds fo nature to soothe me. I love it. I can become a better me even with the distractions, I didn't think I could.

I am a work in progress, from my lowest weight on SP during one of my BLC challenges I was within 30 pounds of my goal. sadly now I am 94 pounds away. It is ok though because I am heading down a little each day, and baby steps will get me there. As long as I don't give up like I did, I will succeed in being a bettr me, I may take another five years to reach my goal, but they will be years I enjoy, one day at a time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FITJEN48
    Amen! So happy you are showing yourself grace. For all that you've poured out for people...those are victories no matter what the scale says! You are an inspiring champ. Congratulations on every step, every change inside and out. Hugs.
    1768 days ago
  • DDHEART
    First, so glad to see you posting a blog again. It's clear last year was difficult and posting here was low on the priority list but still I am glad to see you!

    Recently, I have heard several times in different places, the expression of persons finally coming to the real acceptance of health and well being instead of weight and or appearance as a goal. The first time I heard it, it was a cooking show I watch sometimes and the chef said it...it really resonated with me. Like you, I have had various different mixed results over the past and sometimes it was not fun. I mostly felt that it was about health but with the scale and the clothing sizes still playing a big part of the focus.

    Well, we're a work in progress. Like you, last year was a lot of demand caring for or being involved in providing support for two family members with cancer. Progress is being made, the little guy is 4 years old now with a projected life expectancy of maybe 20 if he survives this next year...doesn't sound great until you remember that last October they didn't think he'd make it to Christmas. His grandpa who was diagnosed at Christmas time, has had a bone marrow transplant and at present is a survivor. sigh...when I went down to care for him, I wasn't sure he would make it this far at all. So, maybe I was really ready to hear those words when they were said....our health and well being truly are the most important things. I'm still working at it as you are but it is about what feels good.

    I LOVE that you have those quiet walks to destress and enjoy. What a great success that is! So, your weight isn't exactly where you want it to be, you're staying sane and sound and still working at it. Yay!
    1791 days ago
  • DAWNWATERWOMAN
    You & your family are in my prayers
    1816 days ago
  • B-N-ME
    Bonnie, you are one AMAZING woman. I so admire the love and devotion you have for your family!!! I am proud of you for keeping going amidst all the things happening in your life!
    You have made GREAT strides since the start of the last round, and are doing more and more all the time!!
    I will be watching you, you have what it takes, hang on to the determination, it will bring you success!!!

    emoticon
    1817 days ago
  • DYNAMICDEB53
    Thoughts and prayers for you and your family. I am glad you are also finding time for you, that is important too and you see that. Yes baby steps get us there and being determined to get there is the thing. It will speed you on your way.

    Take care, Hugs
    Deb
    1817 days ago
  • BE-THE-CHANGE
    I will keep Sebastian in my thoughts and prayers.
    emoticon
    1817 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/29/2015 1:33:55 PM
  • CUERVOSWOMAN
    Prayers for your family. You have been close to your goal before, you can do it again.
    1817 days ago
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