Since breaking up with my boyfriend, I have given it alot of thought of want I really want. I learned there are just some things I cannot compromise on and I was doing more compromising with my ex than I realized.
It was never bad but I no longer wanted to try to be someone I just wasn't. He wanted me to have long hair because short hair according him looked like boys. He told me that my tattoos were white trash. He hated my running.
Maybe he started to suffocate me. Because after the break, I got my hair cut in an inverse bob. I felt sassy, sexy. I could breathe again. It helped that one of the guys at work that can be a prick was like I like your haircut (along with 50 other folks). It feel good. One of the other guys flirting with me. It felt good. I feel alive.
Looking back, I realize I was trying to dim my sunshine. I never want to dim my sunshine ever again. I want to find someone that loves me as I love me. I am pretty amazing and I hope one day my guy can love me as much as my family and friends do. I love that I am a sassy, sexy, strong woman. I love my tattoos and pixie hair. I love my sassy attitude. I love my love to run and to do races. It's who I am.
People have been asking what I want into my guy. I've been on the fence if they need to be a runner and I think they do. My ex didn't want to hear about my running and didn't understand that I'd love to travel for races. I want more runcations. I am not sure if a non-runner would understand that. I want my guy do Ragnar and other races with me. There are a couple guys in my life that like to talk running and I am getting used to the idea that I can talk running with them.
So, right now, I don't know if I need a boyfriend. If something happens, it happens. A few suggested that I go on match.com or pof.com. I've tried that and didn't find what I am looking for. I think what I am looking for will be at the gym or a running group actually.
Also, I don't know if I am in a place where I want to date. In a perfect world, I would rather be starting my career (another two years at least) and not in school. It's not like I could even pay for a wedding right now, lol.
Ideally, I would want to be closer to my goal weight of 160. I want to meet a healthy person and I want to be a healthy person. I want to have similar health goals and to strive to be healthy together. Ironically, I need to do that at the gym and well, that's where I think I will find Mr. Right.
Starting next week, I will work the Y once a week so I should be able to work out more than I did the last two weeks so maybe I can implement more lifting and group fitness classes. I have been trying to decide if I want to continue with the trainer. He took over for a trainer I didn't like. I like this new one and he keeps me on track. If I buckle down, I could lose 12# reasonably, one pound a week. My body doesn't lose weight any faster than that anymore. I guess that is fine as it will stay away than.
I guess I feel like I picked up some bad habits and it's time to get back to who I was and am.