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Thursday, June 11, 2015

Ugh! So sick of being sick! I've had the same sinus infection for 2 weeks now and I'm SO over it! The first week it made me lose 8 pounds, the second week I gained back 7 of those. *sigh* #annoyed

Official weigh-in is next Monday and I'd like to lose 3 pounds by then, but with being sick and the stress, I may not make it. Still, I'm going to give myself the best chance I have.

I've planned out most of my meals between now and Saturday. Still stuck on Saturday lunch and dinner, but I'll figure it out. That will be Boku's last night with us in the US, so he may want pizza or something. He's not an overly picky kid, but if that's what he wants I'll order it for him for sure.

Sunday is going to be a mess. And it could screw everything up or it could be really great for my weight loss efforts. We shall see.

1) Stress - I have 3 kids who need to be in 3 different places by the end of the day. Well, maybe not Ethan anymore. Still, I have to leave the house at 5am and I have no clue when I'll be back. Plus, I've agreed to spend the day with the ex.

2) Driving - We'll be in the car no less than 6 hours that day. It's an hour to the city to drop Boku off at the airport. And then Logan's camp is at a college 2 hours NORTH of the house (the airport is SOUTH of us...). That means 6 hours total in the car. Plus some, likely, since the ex has a day planned (I think) in Pittsburgh...that's another couple hours. Always hard on the body. Thankfully, parts of that will be spread out.

3) Eating out. Obviously, we'll be eating out pretty much all day. I'll be on my own honor system to do the best I can and make the best choices I have available. I can do this. I used to be amazing at it.

So, yea. That's the plan. For those confused, because the kids will be gone I've agreed that hubs and I can spend the day talking and hanging out to see if there's anything left between us or anything that can be cultivated. I feel like I owe this to him and to myself and the kids. I've already let him know that the answer may be that I really am done and I need to move on. I've made no promises other than to listen and try to be open. After 20 years I owe everyone that much.

Of course, all of this has made me confused AGAIN...so that stress is no doubt adding to the regaining of some pounds. I don't do best when I'm a mess inside. I make poor decisions or just go through the motions without any idea as to where I'm going. Hopefully after Sunday I'll have some closure one way or another and can move on from this. If I'm still confused, I'm meeting with my counselor next week and can talk things through with her to help me see where I am.

I spent the past couple days allowing him around more...and then last night asked him to give me a few days alone because my brain is a mess.

Again, the mental/emotional of ALL of this is the most difficult part. Thanks for letting me rant here. It helps for me to talk it through and I'm not always the best at journaling. I've been trying...but sometimes I just stare at the blank page thinking, "What now?" It helps when I can refocus the stress on how it's impacting my healthy living needs.

On the upside, I did ask that we plan a somewhat active day so that I can get some exercise in. Today I walked down 5 flights of stairs and up to the 2nd floor in my building. My ankle hurts a bit. Trying to take it easy, but not too easy. I never got that mowing done I wanted to do since I've been sick STILL and in bed most of the past two days. UGH! Ready for this crap to be over. Feeling SLIGHTLY better today. Hopefully the end of that is near.
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