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M4:W2:D4 - Ready to Plan

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Three days in a row of blogging and logging my food! NSV FTW!

So the past two days have been crap as far as calories are concerned. Spark puts my calorie goals at 2130-2480. My doctor put my calorie goals at 1800. I've been above both. I do fine during the day, but the evenings kill me. Monday it was my coworkers wanting to go out - which meant fried food and alcohol. (No, I don't have the power to resist right now.) Yesterday was a genuine "I hate my life right now" binge. I knew it was happening and felt powerless to stop it. That's what happens when I get sad and lonely.

On the upside, I have done more moving around the past two days than I have done in months. I walked from the garage Monday (and back) and then parked in a garage closer to the restaurant and had to walk from there and back. I might have avoided the whole thing before because of the walking. At the very least I would have parked at the lot across from work instead of the garage a few blocks away. Yesterday I did have a ride to work since I had to drop my car off at the shop. I did still walk around the office a little more and took the "long way around" a few times. My foot started hurting around noon. It still feels sore this morning. My muscles in my leg were aching last night, so I am moving more. But it's nothing close to exercise yet. I am SO ready to move more, but I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not there yet. I have to take it SO SLOW. Ugh!

So this morning I was walking (slowly....) to work from the garage. My foot was hurting a lot and I could tell I was limping, babying it a bit. And all I could think was, "Ugh! I'm ready to start walking more!" I wish my body would catch up to my mind. Right now it just adds to the depression. But I started thinking about what I could plan for...and I think writing down what I AM doing is going to help me see the improvement and make me feel less ...useless. I used to do this all the time. I'd set up workout plans and such and would know what I was eating every day so I would be well within my calorie goals. It's so much harder now, but I have to try to get that back because I know it works for me. So...it may look funny...but here goes....

Wednesday (5/6):
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Eat within 1800 calorie goal.
No binging.
Use other tasks to substitute for eating.
Drink 8 glasses of water.
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Walk to and from garage.
Take meds on time.
Put cream on when foot hurts.
Bench press?

Thursday (5/7):
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Eat within 1800 calorie goal.
Be conscious of calories when eating out with friends.
Adjust calories throughout the day to make allowances for dinner.
No binging.
Use other tasks to substitute for eating.
Drink 8 glasses of water.
Don't get too angry if you don't know every single calorie in every single food - do the best you can.
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Walk to and from garage.
Take meds on time.
Put cream on when foot hurts.
Try some gentle stretches in the evening before bed.
Bed crunches?

Friday (5/8):
emoticon
Eat within 1800 calorie goal.
No binging.
Don't give in to temptation on the road. Pack appropriate travel food.
Drink 8 glasses of water.
emoticon
Walk to and from garage.
Take meds on time.
Put cream on when foot hurts.
Celebrate nearly an entire week of walking to and from the garage. Log how your foot feels and see if you're ready to increase by adding a couple evening walks a week.
*weigh-in weight check*

Saturday (5/9):
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Eat within 1800 calorie goal.
LOG - even when you're away from home.
No binging.
Use other tasks to substitute for eating.
Drink 8 glasses of water.
Tell Mom to respect your need to eat healthy. Don't let her tempt you with sweets.
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Enjoy your rest day.
Take meds on time.
Put cream on when foot hurts.

Sunday (5/10):
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Eat within 1800 calorie goal.
LOG!
No binging.
Use other tasks to substitute for eating.
Drink 8 glasses of water.
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Find somewhere outside to take a nice (SLOW!) walk with the boys.
Take meds on time.
Put cream on when foot hurts.
Stretch during travel breaks.

After Friday I'll decide if I'm ready to increase my activity a little bit. It's been a challenge thinking up exercises that don't involve my foot somehow. Planks and pushups (even wall pushups) are out. I think the bench press should be fine. I could add in some arm curls and other arm work like lat raises. I could do crunches in bed. They aren't the most ideal, but when someone holds your feet and you do crunches on a hard floor, you actually do tug on those muscles in your feet, so that's out. I'm also going to see what stretches I can add in that won't pull on my feet. I'm sure there are some maybe seated poses. Even just running through some sun salutations and a corpse pose might make me feel better.

The most important thing is breaking this binging because I'm sad habit. Because I'm going to be sad for a long time it seems. And I can't even imagine what it's going to feel like when he moves on and gets a girlfriend. For him, that could happen any day. So, yea, I need to make OTHER plans. I would LIKE to paint my room. I have the supplies, but first of all, it's supposed to be 90 degrees this weekend! Second, I'm going to visit my Mom for Mother's Day. So I guess it will have to wait until next week. Hoping the weather cools a bit so I can open the windows and let it air out some. Plus, I'll have to take the blinds and curtains down so the sun will be pouring into my room while the paint dries...that could result in an oven type situation in 90 degree weather!

When I first started this journey so many years ago (11?)...I never anticipated there being a place that was WORSE than where I already was. Little did I know what would happen when your mobility is stripped from you and you're forced into a traumatic, highly emotional situation. It's super hard to keep yourself moving forward when you feel like the weight of the world is crushing you.

Day by day, right?
I've been here three days in a row, so that's encouraging.
I think if I keep myself accountable, I'll eventually feel more in control.
That's the hope anyhow...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ERIN1128
    I'm glad you're back here, and logging and journaling. Good steps!
    2084 days ago
  • ARUNNINGKAT
    Day by day, one step at a time. They say that is how all good and monumental things happen. You can do this! We are here for you every single step of the way!
    2084 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10795864
    You are brave. My very best wishes on your journey!
    2084 days ago
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