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Physical Fighting isn't a Kerfuffle.

Saturday, May 02, 2015

I've lived my life surrounded by stuff kids should never see. Granted, I'm 18 now, but the things I've seen hurt me, destroyed my childhood, left me with scars that you can't see. I get anxiety at loud noises, and sometimes if it scares me enough, I'll break into tears. Yelling is also a no-no with me. I'll hyperventilate and sob if the violence I witness is intense. And I don't mean movie violence. I mean, my family violence. My parents fought violently, my older sister and her boyfriend did also, my older brother and his girlfriend continue to. There are actually scars they have from each other. Even now, my mom is dating a drug-addicted angry, jealous and loud frenchman. He smashes stuff, today he hit the car and broke it in several ways. He's broken countless dishes we had, and he's a complete pig. But how dare I point out anything he needs to improve on to my mother? She actually gets mad at me for complaining about crap he pulls. He's almost 50, I'm not even 19 yet. Aren't the roles a bit reversed here? Not to mention, since he came into my moms life, I went from a 60% parent to a 97% parent. I feel like I deal with children even when I'm supposedly talking to 2 grown adults. After the huge fight and smashing spree today, my mom apologized for the: "little kerfuffle" today. After the first scream session face to face, it becomes a huge fight. It is not a kerfuffle, it is not an argument, it is not a lovers quarrel. It is violent, scary, mutual abusive interactions. I don't know about you, but I never aim to put fear into the heart of someone I care about. I never yell in someone's face, cursing and calling names. Because that's not love. That's not love at all.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LOOKASHINY
    I can't wait until you can get out of there. I know the fish job isn't what you wanted but it is a step toward something better. It's so hard but just take it one day at a time. Someday you can choose what you tolerate in your own home. You're a survivor.
    1730 days ago
  • SOUTHERNGRITS55
    No Sweetie that is not love and you can't tell your mother she is making a mistake.. 9 out of 10 you or your siblings will grow up and think after the first blow that that is the way it is like.. being married and this is a part of it.. I grew up in a bad situation and lived at a Children's Home where there was not one fuss or argument so I knew that is not the way to handle things.. but i went into the situation where I thought that that is just marriage.. but it is not.. I took my kids when things went bad and ran away to raise them with myself but I found such a loving family that all they do is love.. My husband never yells or gets upset even when I used a Brillo pad on the van to get the tar off.. He saw the swirls when it dried and he came home.. he thought it was funny.. Now you need to make sure you know in you mind where is the safe place to go in case of a emergency.. He don't sound like he is stable and you do not need scars... I am saying this will all my heart and with all my soul just have a plan.. you are much to young to have all of this on your plate and I feel very sorry for you.. but if you ever need me I check in a lot and you can write... but you need a safe place.. Aunt Uncle an kind of family.. I do not know where you are or I could help you.. I lived in a safe house for three months and they helped me so I know that there was a place.. so know that all partnerships with the boyfriends and future Husbands do not have to have violence or matches.. cause one day it could turn violent.. God has a purpose in your live and mine is to help others with all the things I had going on..so I was like you at one time.. I will Pray that you will red this and make a plan.. just don't sleep in the streets know where you can go.. Always In His Love and With Grace Just Me There's is a song... "Let it Begin with me" I know it is on youtube and that is my mission emoticon emoticon
    1731 days ago
  • LIMITLESS88
    Sorry you are going through this:( Its not ok to be put through that as a child. You are an extraordinary person for getting yourself through that with the wisdom to know you can create a better life for yourself, and one day surround yourself with people who define love the way you do.
    1731 days ago
  • BETH4SUCCESS
    You're, I mean. My tablet is hard to correct sometimes.
    1731 days ago
  • BETH4SUCCESS
    Sorry your having a hard time.
    1731 days ago
  • BONNIEMCC488
    That sounds awful. You have a great mindset regarding it though. Sorry you have to be a parent so much. I'm not a parent to my own siblings, but I feel like a second parent to my nephews a lot of the time, and it's not fun to feel like that. I hope that things get under control in your house.
    1732 days ago
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