The shaming language of society
Monday, January 19, 2015
Tonight I was looking at this clothing website dreaming about being able to afford all these cute retro dresses. I exclaimed over one and showed it to my mom. I said "isn't this dress cute!" She said, "yeah it is. But before you or I wear it..." At which point I interrupted because I don't want to hear the shaming words. I said, "NO! I don't want to hear it." Yet afterwards she proceeded to say, "walk a few miles everyday." This makes me so mad? sad? upset is probably the all encompassing word.
I have never been what society would call fat (unless you are a doctor then I am probably in the moderately obese category). But I do have muffin tops, stretch marks on parts of my body, boobs over size c, I am tall. I can't remember the last time I was petite and small. I am not what society deems as beautiful because of my largeness for lack of other terms.
My mom doesn't mean to lessen me as a person but yet she does yet I say similar things. Society has trained us that if you aren't thin or just the right size you deserve to have things said about you and to you. They want to shame us into proper behavior. When I hear things like, that wouldn't look good on someone of your size or you need to do a few more sit ups to tuck that belly in, I feel fat larger than normal people. I wonder if it's just me? But then I know it's not.
When the weather gets nice I will probably go out running a couple days a week but this is because it feels good, manages my emotions, and overall is beneficial to me. But I probably won't lose that much weight and what I lose I may gain back when I can't exercise when the weather gets bad. Not a pity moment just a reality moment.
I am debating buying that dress just because I liked it so much and not buying it because right now 'I am too big' might be a shame. The shame in that might be letting society win. I will never be under a size 10 but I can enjoy how I look in outfits no matter what my size.