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Blogging After Ages - a couple epiphanies

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

So I had a couple of spark related epiphanies and came back to blog about them because I knew that fellow sparkies would understand.

A lot has happened since I last blogged. I lost my dad, someone who I loved so much. He went through so much during the last year. I feel like we all fought so hard for him and then suddenly he was gone. I didn't know how to process it..stil don't actually. I think I was slightly in shock and have only now started to grieve.

I think when you are worried and taking care of others, it is easy to forget that it is important to take care of yourself. Now that I'm slowly starting to come back to focusing on my own health. I've made two discoveries..which might seem obvious to any one else out there who reaches for comfort food when stressed, but for me it was very eye-opening.

One day when I was particularly sad and stressed, someone said something nasty to me and in that instant I watched myself go to the refrigerator and pull out some chocolate. For the rest of the day I kept going back to that bag of chocolates because I was having trouble processing how someone could be so nasty.

So weird, why must we abuse our own bodies if someone else says something offensive? I mean didn't they already cover the whole abusive bit so how does overeating and abusing our own bodies help? I'm talking to myself here.

I know that comfort food somehow provides comfort but in reality it really doesn't and it didn't in that instant either. I just suddenly realized that abusing myself after someone already had wasn't the way to go. I mean that's double the negativity. This whole concept has been intellectually obvious to me for awhile but this time I really *saw* it if that makes any sense.

Anyhow, now to the epiphany #2.which is that it is so important to let go of other people's behavior. Totally connected to epiphany #1 above..If I could completely let go of someone else's behavior no matter what I expected of them, then going for the comfort food would not even be an option because I would get stressed out in the moment but then let it go immediately. I know that this is going to require me to be an exceptionally generous-hearted person *but* I think it's possible. I just need to get there.

Life definitely has it's way of teaching lessons.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I don't know how I missed this blog back in December! I guess with my traveling I just skipped a lot of emails. I'm so sorry about your dad. I hope the grieving process is kind to you.

    I also think your epiphanies are spot on. It's hardest to let go of negativity from people you love, but I've learned to let go of it from strangers or people I think are looney anyway. I'm not saying I'm immune, I've just gotten better at realizing that they are either ignorant of my situation, not realizing what they said was awful, are having a bad day themselves, or are just miserable in their own lives and can't help but spread it around. But I'm still working on surviving moments with loved ones that go awry, because even when they don't mean it, it still stings for long enough to turn to the food.

    Keep posting these insights, it helps us all!
    2141 days ago
    Ephipanies are great,aren't they?
    2168 days ago
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    2169 days ago
  • HUGS2015
    Sorry for your loss. emoticon It takes time to work through the grief of losing a love one. Some days are better than others.
    I get where you are coming from on the mean people. It is hard not to take it personally and not want to stuff the feelings down with some comfort food. Good for you on catching yourself in the destructive behavior.
    I hope that things get better for you. Maybe try to stick with the nice people and leave the mean ones alone. I try to do that in my life and I am a lot happier without all of the drama. emoticon Hang in there, sounds like you are on the right track. emoticon
    2169 days ago
    2169 days ago
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