Giving it Another Go...Again...
Monday, November 17, 2014
Back in 2011 I was at my heaviest-328 lbs. I was overweight for almost my whole life but seriously, 328, when did that happen? One year after starting my weight loss journey (July 2011) in 2012 I was down 140 lbs. It was amazing. It felt great even though I still had a long way to go. Fast forward to November 2014 I've gained pretty much everything back. My current weight is around 290 lbs. I've been struggling to get back on track for a couple of years now and no matter what I do I can't. This isn''t just some roadblock I hit. It's a skyscraper followed by brick walls, followed by me doubting myself more than ever before.
Of course, with having such horrible luck with my weight loss what does one do? I become MIA on Sparkpeople...Dropped off the face of Sparkpeople. Didn't log in anymore or come in to check emails. I couldn't face anyone here. I apologize to everyone cuz I wasn't ignoring anyone or being rude. I was so ashamed of my weight gain and my failure to come into SP.
I am sooooo disgusted with myself. I feel like an embarrassment to my kids, even though they would never say it to my face. I'm sure they don't even think it. But, I do. I think it. I feel horrible emotionally and physically. All things I wasn't feeling when I had lost all that weight in the past. I feel gross...I look gross...Can't even look at myself...I hate myself for gaining all this weight back.
So, here I am, giving it another go...again...And, I'm gonna keep giving it a go until I've reached my goal...It's just really really hard this time around...The 140 came off so easy...Not this time...Wish me luck and if anyone reading this would like to be a weight loss buddy with me then let me know...Thanks...Much Love