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Giving it Another Go...Again...

Monday, November 17, 2014

Back in 2011 I was at my heaviest-328 lbs. I was overweight for almost my whole life but seriously, 328, when did that happen? One year after starting my weight loss journey (July 2011) in 2012 I was down 140 lbs. It was amazing. It felt great even though I still had a long way to go. Fast forward to November 2014 I've gained pretty much everything back. My current weight is around 290 lbs. I've been struggling to get back on track for a couple of years now and no matter what I do I can't. This isn''t just some roadblock I hit. It's a skyscraper followed by brick walls, followed by me doubting myself more than ever before.
Of course, with having such horrible luck with my weight loss what does one do? I become MIA on Sparkpeople...Dropped off the face of Sparkpeople. Didn't log in anymore or come in to check emails. I couldn't face anyone here. I apologize to everyone cuz I wasn't ignoring anyone or being rude. I was so ashamed of my weight gain and my failure to come into SP.
I am sooooo disgusted with myself. I feel like an embarrassment to my kids, even though they would never say it to my face. I'm sure they don't even think it. But, I do. I think it. I feel horrible emotionally and physically. All things I wasn't feeling when I had lost all that weight in the past. I feel gross...I look gross...Can't even look at myself...I hate myself for gaining all this weight back.
So, here I am, giving it another go...again...And, I'm gonna keep giving it a go until I've reached my goal...It's just really really hard this time around...The 140 came off so easy...Not this time...Wish me luck and if anyone reading this would like to be a weight loss buddy with me then let me know...Thanks...Much Love
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MONIQUEDVA
    Hi Jackie--We haven't met before but I'm so glad you came back. I'm sure you have a lot of experience & knowledge you bring to the team. Let's get some sticky notes on your bathroom mirror or your bedroom mirror reminding you that "YOU ARE WORTH IT!" and "YOU *CAN* DO THIS!!!". As they say, the only easy day was yesterday. Do something small every day to jump back in. Make that commitment to yourself b/c you are WORTH IT!!! Even if it seems ridiculous & you could never say it out loud. Like when I tell myself that I will walk to the corner one week. The corner. 3 houses. People would laugh, right? So what...let them laugh! Today it's 3 houses. Someday it will be 3 miles.

    Welcome back Jackie! I applaud your EVERY success!
    Mo
    2088 days ago
  • -WRKNG2ABTTRME-
    One step, one day at a time...you CAN do it!

    Have you ever considered joining a Biggest Loser team or other kind of challenge team? They can be helpful with support, encouragement & motivation. If I can be of any help, please let me know.
    2089 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    I am so sorry that you hit the skyscraper, but here you are again, ready to fight against the weight! I wish you all the best and I hope you join transitioning and maintaining way before you actually get to goal because it really teaches you how to maintain all along the journey. Just know that there is no judging and you should not be ashamed, you did not give up, you got back up and started the journey once again. We all know this fight is not easy, but we are worth the effort it takes to get to where we want to be!
    2089 days ago
  • TREP13
    I'm right there with you. I have gained back every pound I lost...and some. I'm pushing 300 pounds (286 at my last doctor's visit) and really need to get that number DOWN! I have a wedding dress to fit into in 90 days and last time I tried it on, it didn't zip up all the way. We can do this!!!! We just need to get moving!

    emoticon emoticon
    2089 days ago
  • KLONG8
    Oh, I feel for you, Jackie. So many of us have done the same darn thing. Although it sounds trite, it IS a journey. And when you fall down, a big portion of making that a successful journey is to climb back up and start going again. So welcome back BIG TIME!

    Also, I'll say when I hear from people experiencing exactly what you are experiencing they usually say "and now I'm back and I'm heavier than ever." That's not you. You came back before you met your earlier weight. That's a strong position. So congratulations and I'm rooting for you.

    I also think momentum is a tough thing to stop when you're sliding downhill. So you are right now at the point where you've stopped the slide. These next few weeks will be tough as you reverse that momentum but soon, momentum will be your friend.

    emoticon


    2089 days ago
  • MEXGAL1
    We all have been there....failure is all part of the journey. It's how you learn from the failure and what you do with it. It's so important to start again. For me I had to realize that I was an addict and treat it as such. I had to throw out all packaged foods and processed foods. Foods with fat and sugar and salt. I read the book Salt Sugar Fat..How the Food Giants Hooked us. That was an eye opener for me. I know for me once I cheat a little it can turn into a binge and then I have to start all over again and just go "cold turkey" to get it out of my system again.
    Best of everything to you.
    Sallie
    2089 days ago
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