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TFTB - Dear Lord, please never let that be me...

Thursday, September 25, 2014

I was listening to a popular radio show this morning, Matty in the Morning on Kiss 108 for any of my New England brethren, and they were talking about how doctors sometimes have codes for communicating that are not very complementary towards their patients, ususally acronyms for derogatory statements .

One of the acronyms they talked about that has stuck with me all morning is TFTB. It's used in emergency rooms. It means, too fat to breathe. Now, I could rail against the medical profession on this pretty easily. But the harshness of the words aside, let's face it, there are many people in this world who are at that point, or close to it, or well on their way to it. I am somewhere in that range, though I'd prefer not to think about how close or not I happen to be.

What I would prefer to think about is what I am going to do about it. Day after day, I wake up and say "tomorrow" to the nagging voice inside of me that says, EVERY SINGLE DAY, "do some exercise." I plan each day to eat well, spend time making lunch and healthy snacks, planning good, nutritious dinners for my family. But many days, somewhere between that healthy, portion controlled dinner and bed, something happens to take that day's worth of good eating and sully it with anything from grazing on bad food choices to all out binges. Coupled with my failure to exercise, I find myself struggling against the tide. I find myself stiff and sore when I get up after sitting for a long time, or when I get out of bed in the morning. I find myself uncomfortable much of the time. I find myself wondering if I even could go out for a walk and walk for any length of time or distance.

I think about how much harder it is than it has ever been to get up early enough in the morning to exercise, and about how completely and totally exhausted I feel by the time I get out of work to consider doing it then. I think about how easily dissuaded I am from the promise I make to myself every day to start, "tomorrow."

I think a lot more about the number of things that could go wrong with me physically. I think about the high risk I am at for heart disease, diabetes, cancer... I feel sad, because all I have ever wanted for years is to put myself in the best physical condition possible, so I can see my son grow into adulthood. And yet, despite what I continue to believe is my most sincere desire to better myself in this regard, I have gone in the opposite direction. And now, I find myself thinking TFTB, dear Lord, please never let that be me.

So here I sit, as I have so many times before, wondering what I am going to do about it. Because the one thing I am completely certain about is that the solution can be found in only one place: me. But I will admit, trying to find my way gets harder with each progressive time that I determine I am going to do that. So as I approach it all once more, I just feel the need to put it here, to make a committment to myself. To take a baby step. To do it today. And to keep myself accountable by putting it out here. So there it is.

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