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Friday, July 18, 2014

Well, for much of the past month or two I've been steadily working on building my three sites, Peace Rising, Peace Positive™ and Drops of Peace™. A whole lot of time and effort. My emotions have been like a roller coaster... pretty much all over the place. Placing so much work on the websites is not allowing for much time to work on me... where the REAL work needs to take place.

What do I need to work on?

In a nutshell, getting myself to a place where I can feel proud of myself and happy inside. Knowing that I accomplished something within myself, for myself, and that helped myself (and others). Healing my body and strengthening my mind to become a stronger more "self-confident" human being who can carry HIGH self esteem. Allowing myself to come to a higher place in life where for once, I will feel like I can SHINE!

I always seem to procrastinate in this area, and simply put off what I know needs to be done. My favorite words are, "Oh, I already messed up today... guess I'll start TOMORROW." Tomorrow. It's always "tomorrow" (or next week, or next month, or after the next holiday or by my next birthday.) I KNOW deep inside that I simply can't do this anymore. I have to put my heart, mind and actions where my mouth is. I have to stop talking the talk, dreaming the dream... and start DOING THE DOING!

My birthday was yesterday. I turned 46 years "young". Half my life is over... and I keep thinking to myself, "If I don't start taking care of myself now (and everyday is "now"), probably way, WAY more than half my life is over." Who knows? Maybe I could have a massive heart-attack and die next year? I have to FIX that!

I can feel my health going down hill. I'm starting to have a hard time breathing.... I'm tired ALL the time.... and I just FEEL so very, very unhealthy and unhappy with ME as a person. I am not meeting my own expectations. I know I can BE and do better than this! I know I need to LOVE and CARE for myself better than this!

So... where do I begin?

Even though I have a big heart and have great dreams for what I would like to create in the world for others, what I would love for my contribution to be to the world, leaving a legacy or a path for others to follow, leaving my "DING" in the universe.... I know that it's NOT going to happen if I don't work on what's wrong with me. How will I be able to preach "Peace Positive™", if I can't find that positive place, that peacefulness within myself. I'd be a pretty big hypocrite. And I sometimes already feel like I am a hypocrite because I know what to do... yet I'm not DOING it.

For me, probably the UNO-number-ONE-O problem... is that I am over-weight. My eating habits are horrible, and I lack proper exercise in my life.

I wish there was an S.H.A... for Sugar-Holics-Anonymous. "Hello, my name is Kerrie Ann Black-Amatelli... and I'm a sugar-holic." Probably the worst thing on the planet to be addicted to, and so very many of us unconsciously and consciously do it and are addicted to it.

I am, however, consciously aware of mine. And what is it that they say? Anytime you're doing something that you know is WRONG... then it becomes a "sin". (Hate that word!) But it's true. If you're knowingly doing something that you know you shouldn't be doing... then it's a sin and ALL THE BLAME falls in your own lap.

So, all this makes for a very miserable and unhappy Kerrie deep, deep inside. I don't like going out. I don't like to be seen. I don't want to look in the mirror. I don't like to go shopping for new clothes. I don't like my picture taken. And most of all, it just makes me feel unhealthy, unhappy, old and worthless everday that I allow it to continue.

Allow me to play the "Wouldn't It Be Nice" game:
Wouldn't it be nice to feel full of LIFE and energy everyday?
Wouldn't it be nice to LOVE what I see in the mirror?
Wouldn't it be nice to be filled with SUPER, HIGH SELF-ESTEEM?
Wouldn't it be nice to ENJOY shopping for new clothes?
Wouldn't it be nice to WANT to eat the veggies, fruits and healthy dishes that I already know I should be eating?
Wouldn't it be nice knowing I could exercise, hike, bike and even RUN without feeling fat, out of shape and out of breath
That's the dreamer part of me. But it's not going to get it DONE!

So I'm going to introduce myself to the DOING part of me... and get it DONE!

Here are my STATS:
(Something NO women publicly announces, but maybe I can shame myself into DOING?):

Height: 5' 2"
Weight: 195.4 (as of this morning)
BMI: You have a BMI of 35.74.

Checked this today at: http://www.bmi-calculator.net/
If you have a BMI of 35-39.99 your risk of weight-related health problems and even death, is severe. See your doctor and reduce your weight to a lower BMI.

Average Measurements:
Arms: 15.5"
Bust: 45"
Waist: 40"
Hips: 48"
Thighs: 27"
Calfs: 16.75

I'm tracking myself at SparkPeople.com. If you're on Spark People, look me up via PeacePositive.

My next blog will be when I start my 100 Days to Peace Positive™

Visit my personal blog at http://www.PeaceRising.com
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you Ladies for your comments and encouragement... :)
    2013 days ago
    From your blog, it sounds like you are more than ready and I know you can do it and get to peace positive!
    2020 days ago
    I think you were in my head. Here I am -- sugar addict, waiting for tomorrow which still hasn't gotten here, feeling crappy about myself most of the time, but since no one else feels crappy about me, why should I? Think positive, I'm told. I do think positive -- I am positively miserable with the way I am right now, but I'm keeping it to myself.

    I was on here about four years ago, but started doing well and figured I could save time and go it alone. That saved time loved a little too much and rocky road ice cream with extra marshmallows. Like you, I put my stats in writing where I see them every day. I have a supportive husband ("Don't die on me!") and my kids are pretty good. They won't say no to junk food, and my husband is a big chip fan, so it's a struggle I have to get control over. And I will -- tomorrow, right? I have the "How come?" and "What if?" game going in my head all the time. Maybe I should write them down.

    Welcome to the 40 Somethings With 50-99 Pounds to Lose Team. Hope to hear more from you!
    2020 days ago
    2020 days ago
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