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My turn at One-derland

Sunday, June 15, 2014

That word...One.... To see the number on the scale start with a "1" instead of the dreaded "2." I've seen the "2" for so long now. More than a decade has passed since I have seen the number begin with a "1." To be honest, I didn't believe the scale when I saw it three days ago. "It will be back in the 200's tomorrow," I thought. "It's a fluke." Then the next day - It was still in the 1's... and the next. Today is the third day that my "number" starts with a 1. "I am in One-derland," I said out loud this morning. Saying it out loud made it more real. It gives you that choked up feeling in your throat. Makes you a little teary. Makes me look in the mirror and say - "There you are... You've been gone a long time and I've missed you."
I have been the over 200lb girl for more than 10 years and it only took me 4-1/2 months to find the under 200lb girl. Why did I wait so long? Why was it so hard? The answer is that I just wasn't ready. Oh, I hated how I looked and felt. I didn't feel comfortable or happy with myself...but that wasn't enough. I was embarrassed, and that wasn't enough. I wasn't healthy and I knew it. I was borderline diabetic - and even that wasn't enough. Then one day - I just knew. It wasn't some "wake-up" call. I simply said - I have to do something. Take a step - again. I've made that step so many times and failed before. I have been failing to keep my weight under control since I was a teenager and now I am in mid-forties. It's harder now to lose and keep it off, but I must. I see myself in my mother now. I see her walking with a cane....both knees have been replaced...both hips and she still can't walk right. She has to wear compression stockings because of the chronic vein insufficiency due to all the weight she carries in her legs and I don't want to be that way when I am her age. I have to do something now before it's too late and I have to succeed this time. Maybe some day I will need my knees replaced, but damn it - I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I am as healthy as possible before that happens.
I'm in One-derland. I am 199lbs. It's is not my goal... It is just a number on the way to my goal. Maybe I will never hit my goal... but I will exercise everyday that I can. I have found that strength training is the key to blowing past those plateaus that I hate so dearly (yet somehow love because they challenge me to keep pushing). Cardio is a wonderful thing, but strength training is the proven winner against plateaus. I have found that eating the right foods in the right order make me less hungry through out the day (if I must eat a carb - follow it up with a little protein so I am not hungry in an hour). I have learned to listen to my body. I have learned to find a bit of inner peace while on the treadmill. I have learned to pat myself on the back and love myself again. I have learned that I have more strength (mentally and physically) than I ever thought I had. So many success stories on SPARKPEOPLE share the message, "If I can do it, you can do it." I never really believed it...until now. Please believe in yourself - It is so important.
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