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Hope to be back, but still depressed

Friday, January 10, 2014

Hi friends! Sorry to be gone so long. I'm going to be back, trying to any way! Monday should be a good place to re-start. I'm being bounced between depression, and panic attacks. I can be at the computer like this, and suddenly out of nowhere, I start to feel afraid, shakey, worried about present things that bother me, but in mega proportions.
I even feel that my emails are attacking me-I just can't seem to deal with them. Like an information overload., If I take meds (That I have for anxiety), I just end up getting sleepy, and taking a nap. I know I'm missing out on my days, but can't crawl out of the depression pit I'm in. Some of it I know is seasonal, other things, (Like my Daughter) are things I can't change, but I do lift her up to God. Only he can help her. She actually said, that if a dog and I were standing in the street, she'd just run herself in a tree., and not hit either of us. I'm so hurt by that. Wouldn't choose me over a dog, after raising her for all those years-Quite depressing.. And she always has her hand out for money, as she never has any, and she says she can't afford to pay us back. She has to buy dog food or something.
OK, enough venting. It doesn''t help anything Oh well, thanks for listening , Kathy
PS: Tough love would cut her out of our lives forever. She's that stubborn.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I have no children but I was in a very abusive work situation and know how horrible people can be.

    Clinical depression is terrible and mostly chemical in origin. Medications are certainly needed for it.

    But situational depression is a different animal. It's caused by the stressful people or situation a person is in. Removal from the situation or learning how to deal with it does wonders towards a cure.

    I believe that too many doctors just throw powerful medications at people when what those people really need is some clear thinking and coping skills. It's like putting a bandaid on a sliver. It may cover the sliver but the pain is still there. What is really needed is a clear eye and a steady hand to remove the sliver. Then the pain goes away and real healing can begin.

    You have to discover what are YOUR problems/responsibilities and what are OTHER PEOPLE'S problems/responsibilities; then you have to do your own work and leave other people's work to themselves. There comes a point when a person has to say: "That is your problem, not mine. I have enough to do just dealing with my own problems."

    That is a process not an instant revelation. And things (people) can change and you have to adjust for those changes.

    Does that sound hard and overwhelming? Don't worry. Wake up each morning and pray: "God, this is a day you have made, help me rejoice and be happy in it." Don't ask God to take away your problems, just ask to see the problems clearly and see how to deal with them.

    I don't know what the answer will be for you: medications, psychotherapy, self-help books, a clergyperson, support group, wise and compassionate friend, venting on-line, journaling, or just pulling the plug on the computer and your daughter for several months to sort things through in your own mind. Maybe you need a combination of several of those things. All I know is that God wants you to be happy and healthy even more than you want it yourself. Believe that and see where it takes you.

    2208 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14144829
    In the past, I have been clinically depressed, too.
    Little by little.
    One big thing that has helped me is physical work or exercise. When I work hard till my muscles are tired, I sleep better. When I sleep better, my body is in better balance. When this cycle starts, I come out of depression.
    Also, don't believe everything you think!
    Have you heard of SparkPeople Coach Dean Anderson? He was depressed. Do a Spark search "by Dean Anderson" to read his articles, and be encouraged.
    Praying for you!
    Much success to you on your getting healthy journey.
    2271 days ago
    I am so sorry you're going through all of this. I'll be praying for you & your situation. My best advice for you is to give everything over to God & let Him handle it. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2273 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4519295
    I agree with the others find someone to talk to about your daughter and yourself. Depression is serious and can be helped in a variety of ways. I don't understand since I am not wired that way, and by the grace of God I have never experienced it. If I had the multiple illnesses you deal with daily, then I might get depressed too.

    I got a new album on ITunes that has blessed be lately. It is by Laura Story. The song that has ministered to me lately is Keeper of the Stars. My husband was a pastor for 36 years and a mental health/school counsellor too. For his clients with depression he always recommend praise music. I found music to relieve me of fears, doubts and to comfort in my times of distress.

    2273 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13602258
    oh my gosh, I feel for you my friend...life and people can get very overwhelming.
    I too have been in similar places...great difficulties and heart wrenching pain from my adult children...depression and anxiety, ptsd... it is not easy, but I pray that God will guide you through and that things will get better soon.
    Seize those moments, minnute as they may be, grab a hold of those seconds of peace to give you hope that they will come around again...

    and sometimes, as i recall those difficult times, I remember just trying to breath...deep cleansing breaths, in through my nose and out through my mouth... in and out, breathing, feeling the chair beneath me, reaching my hands out to touch, and really feel, the table in front of me... I have practiced being in the moment, being in the space that I am in...to help me refocus and get through the awful, encompassing anxiety that tried to engulf me.

    my thoughts and prayers are with you. at times like these, sometimes all we can do is get through each moment, one moment at a time.
    praying for some moments of sunshine for you
    2274 days ago
    Boy can I relate to your blog. I, too, struggle with depression. I also have a lot of stress over my daughter. I love her dearly, but she suffers from multiple mental health issues and hurts us constantly. What has helped me is seeing a counsellor for my depression, seeing a wellness coach for my physical health and taking medication. Perhaps you should talk to your doctor about your medsmaking you sleepy. Mine do not do that. Perhaps a change in medication would help. Just a thought. emoticon
    2274 days ago
  • LUANN7
    vent all you want it will make you feel better. Glad your coming back and hope that will help your depression a little bit.I will pray for you and your daughter.
    2274 days ago
  • THOMS1
    I know you love your daughter but, you really have to think about yourself now. Depression is nothing to fool around with. I agree with karunk.we can only do so much for our children and sometimes the only thing we can do is pray. emoticon
    2275 days ago
    Vent, that's what we are here for. Hypothetical is hypothetical. Hang in there
    2275 days ago
  • HEIDI777
    Make yourself a priority. If the meds your doctor gave you make you feel bad, go back to the doctor and talk to him or her. There are many different medicines and maybe they can try you on something else that could be helpful and have you feeling more in control of your emotions and your worries. I will say an extra prayer for you. Welcome back to the site, glad you found us again!
    2275 days ago
    This is a place to vent. Have you ever gone to see your pastor or someone to help you out of your depression. Seems like you need to find someone to help you on a personal basis. As far as children - God gave them to us as a gift but we have to let him take care of them. PRAY.
    2275 days ago
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