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Monday, December 23, 2013

*Warning...this turned into a rather negative post. I'm feeling low and just need to get some things out there so I can process for awhile.

I'm frustrated with myself. Irritated. Angry. I want to scream at myself, "What is wrong with you?! Get off your butt! Get moving! Put down the 3lb box of chocolates from the boss's wife, close the box of danishes and muffins from your mother-in-law's new bakery, step away from the fridge full of leftover pie, do not drive thru at this or that food place!"

I'm a smart girl. Really, I swear I am. Not bragging. I've got the summa cum laude bachelor's and master's degree certificates on my office wall to prove it. But somehow the same skills I used to finish homework, pass exams, and complete research do not achieve the same impressive results when applied to my physical fitness goals...

Wait.
Reality check.
My "skills" are really poorly lacking, and I'm lucky I did as well as I did in school. If I REALLY applied myself like I should, I probably could have been/done something crazy impressive like you only see in TV shows.

I'm a horrible procrastinator. I only do what I absolutely have to.
I only push as hard as I have to or is expected of me, and no harder.
I over analyze everything, know LOTS of stuff, but have a hard time applying it.
If I don't have a deadline, things don't get done.
I'm a perfectionist afraid of messing up (failing), which means doing NOTHING is the most likely outcome (how messed up is that?)
I cannot wait for delayed gratification... I'd rather have fun (or eat a yummy danish) right NOW, and deal with the consequences later (whether that is massive weight gain or several all-nighters to cram for an exam or finish a report).
I worry about those later consequences all the time, and cannot fully enjoy the NOW.

"How you do weightloss is how you do everything." -Ray Hinish

I'm 31 yrs old, and the above all apply basically to every aspect of my life. It's how I got through high school. It's how I got through college. It's how I do my job. It's how I take care of my house. It's how I take care of my body.

There is so much I wish I could change in my life, mostly how I DO things. How I handle myself. How I behave. How do you change who you are as a person? It feels like I will always be this way, I will always process things this way, and I will forever be doomed to substandard results. Weightloss feels doomed. I will never have a neat, welcoming home. And, if my boss wasn't so awesome, I'd probably have been fired a long time ago for my lack of productivity.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KATE_70
    Perfectionism can be the downfall of so many of us. There are many great articles about it. A simple way for me to remember it is the "3 P's"
    Perfectionism leads to:
    Procrastination which leads to:
    Paralysis..
    I lived within those 3 P's for so long. Now, my best achievements are strongly linked with one word. Commitment. Sometimes elusive but when I am solidly aware of what and how I have committed myself, life and all it's trials become easier.
    Your educational achievements shows that you know how to commit to any task. Take a deep breath and make some decisions. One leads to another and so on.
    I know you can do it!
    I am going to do the same.
    Hugs
    2615 days ago
  • DYNAMICDEB53
    Boy you are right, think it was a good thing to vent and get it all out. I hope that seeing this in writing will help you see more positive about yourself.
    Yes you used these things to get you through life up till now. NOW you are on a journey and part of it is self discovery and with that brings some angst and fear, but you can learn and grow. How can I say this well I am going through it too and being twice your age I had even more to unlearn and relearn.
    I have some problems, I stress and worry about things, I am a perfectionist and hyper too. and so much else, but honestly you can make the changes you want in you. One thing is to recognize them and then take just one and work on it. Some will follow since they are related, others will take time and reassessment.
    The one thing you have to give yourself is time and knowing you will make mistakes.
    You are a smart lady to see what you need to do, its just seems too daunting all taken together. I agree with the comments one thing at a time and just keep working on it.
    For now toss out all those unhealthy sweets and love yourself a little more.

    Lots of hugs and smiles
    Deb
    2617 days ago
  • LINDAINALABAMA
    emoticon emoticon
    2618 days ago
  • CHALLENGER15
    I concentrated on just 10 pounds at a time. I could manage that, relax a bit, and then concentrate on the next 10. Perhaps that would help.
    2619 days ago
  • _BELINDA
    Kelli-you are smart.
    What would you advise a friend if she just said all of this to you?
    I know you got this.
    Look at what you have already accomplished.
    You are not 100 pounds heavier, and you know you darn well could be. You do have self control.
    So what's the advice?
    I could use some!


    2619 days ago
  • NICOLERZ
    We sound a lot alike. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I also struggle with procrastinating and laziness and lack of willpower and discipline. Those are not easy traits to overcome. It's going to take a lot of hard work, but we can do it.
    2619 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11232210
    Please don't be too hard on yourself. We often take a 'wrong look' at ourselves - what we see is not necessarily what others see.

    This is a good time of the year to sit down and think about who you are and what you want out of life. Write down some thoughts - don't included the negative - just write down what you would like in 2014

    Then go over the list and see how doable it is - is what you have listed realistic - might some of it take longer than 1 year.

    Take for instance your health. What would you like to change ? How would you go about it ? Are you being realistic?

    A lot of people would write down the pounds they want to lose and for some of us it is a lot - and then we say we are going to accomplish this in 12 months. For some it is doable but for a lot of us it isn't.

    I have found that with the weight issues and what I have to lose - rather than saying I am going to lose it all in the coming year or even 10 pounds per month - I am going for 1 pound a week = 5 pounds per month - that is realistic. I set a start date, recorded my weight that day and record it again every 7 days looking for just 1 pound to be lost.

    After I weigh myself I think 'how can I lose 1 pound in the next 7 days = what can I do this week to change ' = and you know what - it works. Since October 31 I have now lost 15 pounds - I am not focusing on a lot of weight but just one pound.

    And what do I do each day to help with the 1 pound weight loss - I make myself get up and get moving - I wear my spark activity tracker and walk till it tells me that I have reached 1 and 1/2 miles (this will be changing in January to 2 miles) and for food I take it one day at a time - each day with a goal in mind - water one day , green veggs another - and now that I a on week 5 I am finding I am in the habit of grabbing that water and eating more green veggs.


    Sorry for rambling - but you can do it.

    If interested come to my sparkpage and look for the group Changing my lifestyle is a challenge - you might be interested in participating on this group


    2620 days ago
  • 50YEARSAWIFE
    emoticon emoticon
    2620 days ago
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