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A Small Price to Pay

Monday, September 23, 2013

Step class is at 4:00 in the afternoon on a Monday, and like a good neighbour and State Farm Insurance, I was there.*

It was a quieter class today, with only about a half-dozen or so people. That meant I was in our intrepid instructor's peripheral vision and as my adaptations became less successful, it really started bugging him, so he had to come over and try to work with me.

I did my best. But my problem is, I do okay on any pattern with 4, 8, or 16 steps. It's easy to adapt and end up facing the right direction and on the correct foot if the patterns are divisible by 4. But he likes to throw these "10 steps" in there sometimes, and today was one of those times. So I was completely stymied and did a lot of marching in place trying to find a point in the pattern where I could join back in.

One of the hardest things about knowing I have limitations is sometimes not knowing EXACTLY how limited I am. If I hold back, there is always a (not so) little voice inside me saying, "Wimp! I bet you could do that; you're just too much of a wuss to try it."

And then I'll go ahead and try something, and not be able to do it. And yeah, then it comes home in a big way how abysmally limited I am now.

Forever.

Never will I be my old, agile, childlike self who used to jump around and spin for the sheer joy of it.

BUT...

I must remember:

I do not walk with a cane, as I did five years ago.
I do not wake up every morning in excruciating pain, as I did five years ago.
I can accomplish daily chores without facing the pain that made me prefer to leave them undone.
I can exercise!

In exchange for my improved quality of life (OMG, no pain!) I must not run or jump. I must not cross my legs. I can't sit or lie on the floor. And I must be very careful of my stability.

A small price to pay, really, for several decades of improved quality of life.

--
* Apologies to non-North Americans who may not get the reference to the old State Farm ad campaign.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KARENKANDO
    You ARE funny! Such wit and smarts too! I have a hunch that it was that wit and brilliant mind of yours that got you through the rough times. . . and keeps you going now even if you have to make modifications. You're doing it and you're doing it well! Such an inspiration you are. I hope you know that. Really know it. And I hope you never give up. Something tells me that you won't, but still. . .well. . .I just hope you always feel the same determination you have right now. It has taken you far and you are such an inspiration to so many others. Namely, me! Thanks for sharing.
    2756 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13590869
    I'm glad you looked at what you can do instead of focusing on what you can't. Stay positive!
    2756 days ago
  • RHYMESWITHBABY
    Hip replacement, yah baby! Oh, and that walker was part of my life, too, when I was recovering from surgery. The doctor wouldn't let me walk with two canes even though I was young and strong and I could have done it, dammit! No, he made my 44-year-old self attend my son's grade 8 graduation using a WALKER. (I shouldn't complain. We got great reserved seats because of it. But, you know. I had to use A WALKER!)
    emoticon
    2756 days ago
  • KITTYCAT64
    emoticon You are so funny and i adore this blog. Did you have a knee or hip replacement? I would apologize in advance, for not remembering if that is the case, but then I would apologize too much. You were like a good neighbour. Good for you. You are amazing. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2756 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/23/2013 8:51:21 PM
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