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How do I love me? Let me count the ways.

Friday, August 02, 2013

Lately I have not been feeling the love and thus have not been treating myself with love. Oh, I have been treating myself, and then treating myself again and again and again. Wonder why I have been getting the headaches? Probably because I am coming off a sugar high and I am going through withdrawal. Last night/early this morning, I woke up and had SOB. Pretty scary and then followed by awful heartburn. That has never happened to me before. I hope it never happens again. Guess I got a wakeup call; now let’s see my response to it.
Why all this negativity? And this is supposed to be more of a “love letter?” I hope it is because when we are at our low point, the only direction we need to look is up. By looking up, things seem to be lighter, less burdensome, and more positive ~ anyway that’s how it is for me.
I have a friend who is dying. She has stage 4 lung cancer and it is just a matter of time. The new tumors they have found on her throat prevent her from being able to eat or drink. The most recent scan revealed how pervasive the cancer is throughout her body.
So then I think what do I have to complain about? Or why do I continue to indulge myself and not take better care of myself? Compared to Terry and her family, not much! I am basically healthy. I have a wonderful DH. I have three healthy children. I am fortunate enough that my parents are still alive and active. My in-laws are also well and lovely people. I have a job, which I usually love and some great people with whom I work. I have friends and family who care and love me. Am I near or at my goal? No! But I have not given up. I know there will be positive strides in the right direction and then steps backwards, but hopefully, the steps forward will continue to be bigger than the steps backward.
So, how do I love me? Well, a good start would be to make more frequent healthier choices. Since I do love me, I need to treat myself better. I need to have my actions reflect my words and emotions. I need to surround myself with my support groups and not retreat when I am faltering and spiraling out of control. That only further alienates me and then it can be even harder to seek out support.
I love that I exercise every day, sometimes not really wanting to the night before when setting the alarm clock, but never regretting it after I have finished. I love the result of planning my meals ahead of time. It takes the burden out of trying to decide what is for dinner and I know by sticking to my planned meals, I am taking better care of myself.
And I am fortunate enough to anticipate a long life ahead with things I want to do, memories I want to make and people with whom I want to share those life experiences.
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