Friday, August 02, 2013
I know it's been a while since I've blogged but here I am. I have this problem with my weight being stuck in the 280's. My husband has been depressed & losing his motivation which means I'm losing mine too. Seems like when I join a team on here I feel lost cause I unusually don't know what's going on. Also here lately I feel that I'm not important. The only people that think I matter to is my husband & Muffin. When I go to work I'm just the fat poor girl who runs register that doesn't wear a name tag. I called my Mom yesterday & I said I guess everyone is going to Camden Park (amusement park in wv) & she said yeah. Well I've been wanting to go since they opened this season. I said I guess I can't go cause I probably couldn't ride the rides cause I'm too big. I also said that I don't have much money to go anyway. My Mom then says well you can't go anyway cause you don't have a way to get there & she made me cry. Most people that see me (like customers) doesn't see me smile much. I'm friendly (or try to be) but I don't smile. My life sucks. My life is not interesting at all. I'm a no body to a lot of people & don't forget my looks. I wear glasses (cause I have to), I'm fat & ugly. My support is almost gone. I'm renewing my wedding vows in 38 days & I haven't lost anything. My self esteem is slowly fading. I'm sick of being fat & I try so hard but that doesn't work. I know that no one can lose it for me (trust me I get the messages people saying that & I try to ignore them). I've struggled with my weight my whole life. I was born fat & unfortunately I'll probably die fat.