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Lost in the middle of the journey...

Friday, June 14, 2013

When I started this journey, I could basically say I had no "Me time¨. I was the type of person who woke up, showered, pulled up my wet hair, tossed on some work clothes and went out the door - no fussing around required. As part of the decision to be healthier, I decided to gain some self focus. I started Sparking; reading articles, tracking food, and points gathering. I started spending time buying groceries to gain better choices. I had a quick exercise routine of 10-30 minutes every other night. The positive energy enabled me to have better job focus and take a promotion.

Half way to my goal, and more stress with a job promotion... the time to track and shop was falling away. I maintained my weight with the knowledge I had gained, while failing to notice the trend to eat more calories at each meal. Now gaining weight, I felt the need to add more exercise and ST to my already full day. I manage to do this for small spurts of time off and on. Now, I feel I must conclude that I have lost my "me time¨ again.

In the beginning of this journey, it was easy to go from zero time to about two hours a day. Now I have this feeling that I have "two¨ (not), so how could I find more? What am I missing that two hours of time isn't enough to finish my goal? Have I allowed too many other goals fill those two hours to make any real progress? (getting the house ready to sell, signing my daughter up for swimming, planning the family vacation, etc.) Does each pound get harder to lose? Or have I just allowed my lazy less focused ways take hold again? And why does asking these questions of myself make me want to sleep instead of get moving? Is it stress, fear, depression, (my husband's depression), or just self doubt causing this fog? Grrrrr....

I really don't see the path I found when I started. The idea that drinking water and finding 10 minutes doesn't seem like it would make a bit of difference any more.... And yet saying it brings real tears to my eyes, because I know that every minute I spend caring for myself always pays off. Sigh.... I guess taking the time to know how I am feeling is a start.

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  • OFFWITHTHEOLD
    You are on the right track by taking the time to reflect and become more aware of your journey. There will always be something there competing for your "me" time and it is within your power to not to allow that "me" time to be lost in the busy-ness of everyday living. You can do this!!!! emoticon emoticon
    2445 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/19/2013 6:43:29 AM
  • JOYINKY
    Lots of good advice already here! You also sound tired and that may well be; another time demand, time for rest. It is hard when you are juggling it with work and family; but you are worth it. I know you know that. Every little bit of time you eek out for fitness counts whether it's in the garden or walking while on the phone. Yes, it does get harder the closer you get to goal. You are burning fewer calories moving fewer pounds through your days. Make healthy choices and do what you can; it's diet/exercise and REST. Hang in there!
    2449 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11712373
    Lift up your spirits. That ugh feeling is only going to feel heavier with non action and doubt. Regain control and focus, baby steps, one day at a time. Forget about losing or gaining weight. The one thing that will keep you strong is your focus on your non scale victories! One glass of water and 20 minutes of exercise a day will add up. You will succeed. Life gets crazy but we can always get back on track! emoticon
    2450 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/14/2013 4:45:19 PM
  • AMYTRIPP
    emoticon
    It can be so hard to get your mind back into THAT mode, but keep focusing on the knowledge you've gained, and you'll get there.
    2450 days ago
  • CARRILU
    Yes, you are right, taking the time to notice IS the first step. Like all the other aspects of taking good care of ourselves, (water, vitamins, getting in freggies, exercise....etc) it's back to baby steps. Of course you remember how good it felt and you will pick up those feelings again soon but try not to discount the 10 minutes here and there, the tiny sips of water and one more fruit or veggie that seems insignificant. They are all the ways the cells get woken up again and will get you back on track. It's almost easier to be a first time sparker who gets to unlock these wonderful realizations than a seasoned veteran on the journey because you can be too hard on yourself in terms of already knowing your potential in high gear. Would we ever suggest to a newbie not to be overwhelmed? NO. We would suggest baby steps. The same is true for us too. emoticon
    2450 days ago
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