My weight gain is starting to get to me..
Thursday, May 30, 2013
I came back full force to spark a couple of weeks ago. I had gained weight and knew I had to do something about it cause I really started to feel it in my clothes, and the way my arms kind of jiggle now, and how my stomach is starting to stick out a little more. I was doing really well, tracking my food, working out or taking long walks. I had lost 5 pounds from when I started sparking again. I weighed myself BEFORE the memorial day weekend, and I am now afraid to weigh myself tomorrow.. I had an awesome time this memorial day weekend. Went to PA for a night, went out to the movies sunday night and had a big BBQ on Monday with friends. But with all the food and drinks I had this weekend I KNOW I gained back those 5 pounds I lost.. lol I already knew I was gonna eat a lot on Monday. But all those leftovers, and going all over the place during the weekend kind of threw me off my game! So this week so far I havent tracked any of my food and yesterday was the first time I got SOME sort of workout in. Today I am going to walk home and then go to the gym. But my weight gain is starting to take its toll on me.
I woke up this morning and was trying to look for something to wear. Weather said it was gonna be 90 degrees today! First of all I got cranky cause my clothes are in a box right now and its annoying to look through the box and try to find a shirt because then the box gets super messy and I have to practically dig my way to the bottom or end up dumping everything on the bed picking a shirt and dumping everything back in the box. THEN putting on my jeans.. they all are SUPER tight on me but I refuse to buy a bigger size right now because A) That'll just depress me even more, and B) I dont want to get a bigger size for fear that I am going to think its going to be ok to eat a little more or whatever and then before you know it THOSE jeans are tight...
I am supposed to be in a wedding in August. My dress is already on its way and I tried on this dress before my weight gain and even then it was just a little snug.. Thinking about how I am going to lose some of this weight so I can actually fit in the dress is kind of stressing me out. I just feel so bleh about myself right now. I havent felt this way in a long time. I dont like my body and its messing with my confidence. I feel like wearing big shirts, I dont want to wear short sleaves, I was even thinking about how tights would feel so much more comfortable right now..
I am trying my hardest to push myself. I want to get back to where I was and I know this happens to people all the time, they lose then they gain, but it sucks that I was there and because of stress I just kind of gave up for a while. My weight started creeping up the scale and now its bringing me down..
I am sorry this is such a downer blog on a beautiful day! I just needed to let all this out. I want to feel beautiful, and strong, and sexy again. One of my sparkfriends (sokkernut) sent me the new Jillian Michaels book (thank you again!), and I put the new spark book on hold at my job so it should arrive hopefully by tomorrow. I am hoping these two books can also help motivate me because I really need all the motivation I can get!
Well hope you all are doing well and keeping up with your workouts and eating healthy! Stay cool and drink lots of water! I am open to any suggestions you guys may have!