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All Right so Far

Saturday, April 20, 2013

New for me...but here goes.

Another day checked and done. My BP okay from other day. 120/98. Guess second number not that great...but I'll take it.

S.O. still "checked out". Dealing with that. But getting lonely and have hard time dealing with that. Not sure what to do from here. One-step-at-a=time for now. Trying to remember back in college days. Not that easy. Especially when you're a woman of a certain age. Funny thing about feelings. They don't age. Some are still ripe and feel young despite the rest of you moving on.

Have to put San Antonio "on hold". Have son (who will be 26 soon) w/congenital heart problem. Came up with something this past week and I need to stick around. The "mom thing" always seems to come up no matter your age.

Am I being selfish wanting something for me just once? My S.O. was the "bread-winner" but only because that's what he expected. The last time our son was in hospital (last year) S.O. DEMANDED that I stay with him to keep an eye on things and be there when the Drs. went on a.m. "rounds". I have done that since our son's birth.

I have always been the "mom", the nurturer, support for spouse, etc. I just feel like no one is here to do the same for me and I still have to step back and take on everyone else's trouble. He (S.O.) won't as he says he has too much to deal with at work. Work over family....? I had jobs as well, but he made me quit those they interfered with his week-ends with me.


I can't do this anymore without help. I don't mean financial. Emotionally I'm shredding. If I was younger I might be okay, but now... I may be in great shape; but why? I'm still the wrong age and stage of life for him. And he just reminded me of it (again) today. It hurts.

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