Slightly Discouraged Today
Monday, March 25, 2013
Trying not to feel discouraged and blame myself for my body's reluctance to let pounds go right now. (I'm shrinking in inches, still.)
What happens is, I start telling myself that what I choose to eat can affect my weight loss as well as how much I eat. So then I think it's possible that even though I am always staying within calorie guidelines, I could do better.
Maybe if I stayed away from bread and also if I was less inclined to spend my snack calories on treats from Starbucks, I'd have lost another three pounds by now. Maybe if I ate more salads and soups and kept my calorie count under 1300 per day.
I ask myself, "Why can't I do better?!"
And I categorize it all as a failing on my part, as if building muscle to the point where I am bench pressing half my weight doesn't count for anything. As if my 50-pound weight loss so far is to be used as a judgment against me ("Look, you did that. Why can't you continue at that pace? You must be slacking off!").
What frustrates me is that I am doing all the right things. Yet when I go looking at SparkPeople articles for help, they seem to imply that the only way people stall is because they backslide -- make poor decisions, have binge-sessions, lack the will to follow through.
That's not me!
I am passionately dedicated to healthy living and my weight loss journey. I make good decisions (maybe not always the BEST decisions, but good ones nonetheless). I don't give in to cravings, or if I do it's always weighed and measured.
My worst "binge" was one time I had two premeasured portions of Jelly Bellies one after the other because I just couldn't stop after one. A premeasured portion is 40 grams (approximately 35 pieces), or 140 calories. But I tracked those 280 calories and fit them into my day.
In my former life I'd eat half a kilogram of Jelly Bellies at one sitting, mindlessly munching away in front of the computer. Over 1000 empty calories. Granted I'd call that breakfast and not eat anything more until midafternoon, but still.
Jelly Bellies for breakfast?! I've come a long way, baby!
But not far enough. It seems I'm not good enough, not working hard enough, not doing well enough for my harshest critic these days: Myself.
Ah, Spring, please come soon. I know that sunny weather and the sight of flowers in the garden will wash away the gloom I am feeling.
Just waiting for the weather, and the scale, to change...