PREGNANT!

I've been meaning to post a little blog for you all but haven't gotten to it. I know I haven't been around much since I moved last may but it's about time I give a little update!

I met the love of my life last June and though it's been a short, fast-paced relationship- we're expecting! We know people are judging us because we've only been together 6 months now but when you know, you know! We weren't planning on a baby, it just happened. And I happen to believe things happen for a reason.

In September I lost my Grandmother. She had been struggling with bladder cancer though that's not what took her from us. She had a brain aneurism in July, at the age of 68, and was in the hospital, mostly unresponsive until she left us on September 29th. I've lost people in my life before, but I was younger and more resilient. My sister and I were close to her and it was a horrendous loss for us and our entire family, really. So we were flown out to CA (we live in VT) and had to sort her belongings and host a memorial. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and it still brings tears to my eyes to even think about. I tell her frequently that I love her and miss her.

The end of October came and I was a day late for my period. Slightly unusual but not so much. My boyfriend wasn't worried. The next day by 3:00 I thought it very strange and he said he would pick up a test after work...needless to say- POSITIVE! I couldn't believe it! I have PCOS and was under the impression it would be very difficult for me to conceive someday and for it to have been an accident...I just didn't get it. I proceeded to take THREE more tests that week end and finally gave in to the truth- I must be having a baby. So we told our families. My parents are ecstatic. I wish I had their reactions on film hahaha. It was just the great thing our family needed. I only wish my grandmother could be here to meet her first great-grandchild.

It's bittersweet to lose a grandmother and gain a child. Most people think it's a girl though we won't be finding out until little turtle is here :)

I'm so very excited and more than thrilled to be starting a family. My boyfriend and I signed a lease together and are moving the first week end of February. Wow. If you'd asked me a year ago where I thought I'd be in a year, I'd say nowhere. Sitting on my couch watching TV and slightly loathing my low-pay job. Not engaged to be engaged to the love of my life with a baby on the way.

So they tell me I should only gain about 10 lbs. I'm almost 16 weeks and still haven't really gained more than a pound or two. I do fear that my weight is taking away from the pregnancy experience. Taking away in the sense that i do NOT want pictures of my belly and i fear I won't actually ever look pregnant, just a little more fat. I fear that being 280 lbs now will make a 7 month pregnant me look like a 290 lb me. I bought some maternity clothes but wondered if my big frame even needs them, kind of like my baby will be absorbed in my fat so what's the point in buying all new clothes?

If anyone out there who was a size 18 or up and pregnant has a picture to share I would greatly appreciate it. I'd like a better idea of what to expect for the future. It saddens me to think people won't walk by me in the store and think "aw look at that cute pregnant lady," rather, "ew, why is that fatty letting her belly hang so much?"

Aside from the trivial, shallow feelings I have about my own vanity, I'm still thrilled to be a mother and only hope that next time I have a baby I'm much smaller to begin with.

I'M GONNA BE A MOMMY!