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Setting myself up to fail

Thursday, December 27, 2012

I do this fairly often. I put myself in situations where I know what the outcome will be, because I hope that this time it will be different. It has burned me every time and I really need to just stop. I need to learn and truly accept that just because I want things to be different doesn't mean that they will be. I can't keep putting myself in situations that make me feel awful when they turn out exactly like they did the last time.

Today's was a fairly innocuous event. I have a friend that I don't see very often, so when she texts or messages about getting together on a specific day I always say yes, I look forward to it. We have fun and chat when we actually do get together, but the problem is that rarely happens. They day comes and I'm kind of looking forward to it, or I don't make plans with other friends because I already have something set and what happens??? Yep that's right. No show. No call to say "I'm not going to make it." No answer to phone calls or texts or anything else. No comment or acknowledgement that we even talked. Then months later rinse and repeat.

I know this doesn't seem like much. At first it was just annoying, and if it only happened once in awhile fine, but it is EVERY time! I'm buys I usually have tons of homework, clinical (nursing student), school, and family stuff. It isn't always easy for me to carve out time to spend with friends and when I turn down other invites to hang out, because I already have plans it's frustrating to be ditched (for lack of a better word). It shows a complete lack of respect for me and my time, and shows how much she either doesn't care or doesn't think about my life and/or feelings. I know that she is busy too and has things she has to do but again this happens every time! Also, how long does it really take to text "not going to make it." At least then I could o do something else instead of wasting the time waiting.

It's days like this and situations like this that usually send me to munching and "eating my feelings." I've done pretty well so far today in that I haven't been munching or snacking on all of the nummy goodness left over from the holidays. Instead I played a dancing game and turned up the music and have tried to get rid of the frustration by moving around and being active, but it's not really working. It's not just the frustration, but that feeling of being thought of as worthless or not deserving of respect by a friend. (Or rather not being considered at all by said "friend")

Any ideas or suggestions on how to get rid of this feeling or how to feel better without snacking and eating all the food I really really want to?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You have already done this yourself - danced instead of ate! Well done.
    And now you just need to realise (deep within yourself as it is easy to say the words without really owning them) that you are not worthless, she is. Or she has major problems that mean she doesn't value people in the same way you do and that is not your issue but hers she has to deal with. You don't need to be the victim of her issues.
    2608 days ago
    She doesn't sound like a friend at all I think it's time to let her go. In another few months when she texts or calls I'd simple explain that your tired of being disrespected and that it might be best to just end your relationship.

    Remember no one can hurt us without our consent.

    2608 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/27/2012 6:25:44 PM
    That's strange. I've never had anything like this happen--if someone needs to cancel, the least they should do is let you know that they won't be able to meet up with you. It's so easy these days with text, IM, e-mail, etc.

    I think that you have to love yourself enough to ignore "friends" like this. This person is NOT treating you with respect and doesn't deserve your time and attention. Move on and be DONE!
    2608 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10386126
    Why don't you text her and say where the bleep are you, I have been waiting forever??
    If she gets upset, you have an opening and can vent your feelings. Next time she asks you, say you're busy, or just do like her and don't show up. If she should show, ag emoticon ain you can tell her well you never showed before. Truth hurts but works, and you should be proud you didn't turn to food !! Way to go!
    2608 days ago
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