Turning over a new leaf

I wrote a friend today and talked to her about holding me accountable but now I'm reaching out to all of my friends on Spark!! Please anyone and everyone that has tips of advise or would like to pitch in and HELP me hold myself accountable I would LOVE it. Thanks in advance...this is sort of my cry for help and I'm letting you all into my world a bit on this blog. Here is part of my email to my friend....and to you ALL who read this.

"So here it is just 12 days until Jan. 1st, 2013!!! AND I want to make some goals. I was wondering if you could help me? What kind of goals do you have? My biggest issue is staying with it. As some of you may know, I've always struggled with this. I want to make it a lifestyle but if I don't stick with it, then I won't.

So I don't know if I should use my arm band to keep track of what I burn and log calories, or just walk daily, or do dvd's at the house, sign up for a gym, wake up early and work out to get it over with? So many options and I know everyone has to do what works for them but so far nothing has worked for me because I don't stick with it.

I really need some TOUGH love and that's why I'm reaching out. I want a fit friend to hold me accountable or someone I can look up to who has lost weight before and knows how to do it, someone who has changed their life or always lived a healthy life. I'm not saying you have to check on me daily but if you can check in on me on FB or SP fairly often that would be awesome! Maybe if you wanted we could set some goals together? Is there anything you are working on that I could jump in on and see how it works for me too? Do you have a schedule? Eating habits that you could tell me about? What's your schedule like? Any tips or advise at all?

I want to get these goals down in writing before the 1st. I had a goal of getting to 219 by Christmas but that's not going to happen. I have GOALS all the time but I just ignore them and never work on them. I think my issue is that I don't have steps in place to get to the goals. Some nights I just feel like laying around being lazy, watching TV instead of getting up and getting dressed to go for a jog or cooking/cleaning. I just get so lazy sometimes and then the next morning I wake up and have all this energy when I get to work and then it's too late because I'm here at work and can't do anything but THINK about losing weight. I've been thinking for YEARS...and I don't want to think anymore, I want to DO IT.

After my 45 min drive home and working all day it's like my momentum just left the building and I have this "I don't care" attitude. I mean not EVERYDAY but literally about 85% of the time M-F. I obviously care and want to lose weight but I don't really go into deep thought much at all. I just come home and sit down and watch TV and then get up and cook whatever is convienent. Then maybe hang with the kids and get on the computer for way too long. I think maybe I'm ignoring responsibility (cleaning/working out) because it's not fun and it's hard work. Boohoo uh? lol But, when I do decide to clean or on the rare occation work out, I always feel proud and happy I did it and I can especially see results right away with cleaning so sometimes I pick that over working out for the instant gratification. We are just messy people and sometimes I just can't take it anymore so I feel like I HAVE to clean.

I'm a fly by the seat of my pants kinda girl. Do what I want, when I want, eat what I want with no rules, no goals, or direction. But since I've always been that way it makes it really hard to MAKE rules for myself. People say to reward yourself but nothing really gets me excited because I buy myself stuff whenever I want other than expensive stuff and I've never really been good at saving either so I can't afford the pricey stuff. lol

I'm really not trying to sound like a loser or a downer, I'm just explaining how I am. I think that's why I haven't lost weight. I still have the mindset I did when I was a teenager....I can eat whatever I want. But I don't swim and run and play basketball and practice flips in the back yard anymore. lol I sit ALL day. And it's crazy but sitting actually makes you tired!! It just drains you. After sitting still all day, I'm not gonna lie sometimes going to the store is a drag. Sitting just makes you lazy. I just have to snap out of this laziness!

So on a positive note on Jan. 4th I start a new job and I'll be trained to be a pharmacy tech where I will be STANDING all day. That's gonna be rough the first few weeks. I'll probably be physically and mentally spent. lol This is a whole new field for me and I know nothing about medicine but it's an AWESOME job and I just want to fit in there. It's a small family owned business and they have all sorts of cool stuff going on. They sell medical equipment, make their own meds, have a clinic, a weight loss program, and natural suppliments. I'm going to be trained to know all that the pharmacy has to offer and will have to direct clients to whatever suppliment they need so if they ask for white grape seed extract, I will have to know where to direct them (gastro-intestinal section) :) I'm going to learn SO much and I'm super duper excited because I want to be in nutrition and this is going to teach me a lot. Plus in a bit they are going to train me as a medical assistant too! (I'm already a CNA) I'm going to be the front line person for the company so kinda sales too. AND I don't want to be over weight telling them about our weight loss program. That's just wrong and embarrasing. I might get a discount on the program. lol But we'll see. I think it's one where you have to buy their food so not sure if I would like that or not. I like making my own food and don't like to be restricted. I think I might be the biggest person there and I'm working with Dr.'s and Pharmacists so I just wanna be healthy you know?

I will work 9-6pm M-F and some Sat's too for OT. Not sure how often yet. I will be standing ALL day and that will be new to me so something tells me that I will NOT want to work out after work so I'm thinking maybe I should try and be a morning work out person? What do you think? I just want to get a game plan in place NOW and maybe even start working on it so that I'm not shocked with everything all at once you know? New job, new habits, new year, and all.

I am joining a biggest loser team on SP that I guess is pretty intense starting Jan. 16th (I think that's the date) so I'm excited about that. I'm still trying to decide what team is right for me. I won't have computer time all day long at work like I do at my job and I don't want to be sitting on SP all day logging in calories and blogging ALL the time instead of working out because let's be real...I'd rather be on SP then work out. So I need a team with accountability!!! lol

I also already have tons of calendars and planners for next year. lol I have a treadmill, weights, and a bench press at home plus dvds, and just got new running shoes, I have an iphone with nike+ running app, and myfitnesspal linked to my arm band, plus books and magazines, and Spark People....I have TONS of options. I just need pushed and checked on and a PLAN. Would you be willing to give me some help/advice? Thanks SO much Spark buddies!! Hugs-Jennifer