November 24, 2012- Where I've been, where I need to be...
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Here I am, two days after Thanksgiving, thinking of the thousand things I need to be doing and yet, not quite sure how to go about getting myself going. I know that from a priority standpoint, nothing, nothing is more important than getting my body up and moving, as I have not exercised in way too long, other than hopping on the exercise bike on Thanksgiving Day for 10 minutes before I jumped in the shower..
I have been busy at work for the past month or so. One of the major parts of my job is to run the election for our city, and it becomes a very consuming job as the day gets closer and closer.. So it started when I decided I needed to get to work early.. So my morning routine of walking Scooby and then coming home and walking Tony to the bus stop and then coming home and showering and getting to work on time gave way to getting my morning stuff done, driving Tony to the bus stop and going directly to work, an hour early. Then I'd sit pretty much for the whole day, not even going to lunch, and at 4:30 would leave..come home and make dinner and play chauffeur on those nights I needed to, attending meetings on nights I needed to, getting stuff done here at home as I could like doing laundry, straightening out..etc.. Then I'd collapse into bed, only to have to do it again. I tried my best to eat well during this time, but as time goes along, the absence of exercise causes me to lose any ability I might hold on to to eat well, and, well, it's just all downhill from there.
So now, the election is over, the post election work is pretty much done, and I can get back to "normal." Only now, I have to admit, I have little interest in walking Scooby, as he cannot seem to get the hang of walking without doing his business at least once or twice, and auddenly, it is repulsive to me to have to deal with that.. When I was in a groove, it was just what had to be done, but now I just want to go out and walk..put the headphones on, listen to some good walking music, and go..but for some reason as much as I know that's what I want to do, I'm not doing it, I'm sitting here writing about it instead, because I must admit, that even though I know there is nothing more important than the exercise, I'm also thinking about the laundry, the food shopping, the Christmas decorating, all of which must be done right now.. and I have a cold, and my head hurts, and my nose is dripping, I'm cougihng up a storm.. Oh what mess I am right now, at 8:42 on this Saturday morning..
So I'm not even sure why I am sitting here writing all this.. Except I know that writing it at least gets it on paper in front of me.. One thing that I have done, every single day for the last 363 days, is come here to Spark and spin the wheel. Over that period of time, I have had some periods when I've been eating well and exercising, and other times when I've done no such thing. My weight has not really changed, and at the weight I am at, and at the age I am at, it is not good that I have made no progress in that department. I know this, yet I can't seem to change it, and yet, here I have been, coming here and at least spinning that wheel for the last year, every, every single day..
I am both fascinated by my insistance on doing this, and disappointed that I have not done more. I can't seem to find that magical place that I have found at other times in my life to put myself in a position to get it done. I've always been willing to do the hard work, but for some reason, for the last few years, I just cannot, cannot, consistently get it done. I do it for a few weeks or months, then I lose it.. And here's the thing, I know what I must do, I know how to do it.. I just don't seem to do it.. I've said these words before, right here in my blog, I've said them aloud, I've said them in team posts, I've said them in emails..
And here I am, saying them again, under the fog of a headache and a head cold..and hoping that the words will inspire me to get up and get out.. Because it feels like today is the day it needs to happen, I need the endorphins of the exercise today more than any day in a long time.. So off I go...