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Self Support Doesn't Mean Giving Up - One Day. One Step.

Monday, October 22, 2012

I have this ridiculous habit/personality trait.

When I start feeling down, I disappear. In a sense, I feel like if I don’t have something good to say, something positive or if I’m not moving in a positive direction, then people will not want to be around me or hear from me. I go off, by myself, brood, overthink, stop moving forward and become stagnant.

I don’t know where I got that mind-set. No one can always be up – there have to be some not great days so you can appreciate the good days.

This system is simple: track your food, move your body, be honest with your choices, always move forward – and repeat.

I tried to change this formula up, started to fail and just quit.

Silly.

I’m also so much better at lifting others – than I am, at times, myself – again, silly again that I can’t just say, “Hey folks – I need a lift….”

Bull-headed, prideful silliness.

I do not have supportive people in my household. The idea of getting out and doing something, eating something healthy, creating a healthy environment seems so alien in this household. Even my mother-in-law, who has the best intentions and who I love dearly, has made comments like, “so I hear you don’t cook for your family anymore since they won’t eat your healthy food….”

Ouch.

I’m a good cook. I know how to make things flavorful – but God love my husband, he jokes that he has the pallet of a 12 year old red-neck, but really, he’s not kidding. If it’s fried, covered in gravy, served with ranch style beans and a load of white bread and butter he’s happy.

But – I’m not.

I’ve got to stop feeling guilty for doing this. I shouldn’t feel bad when I come in my office to work out. I shouldn’t feel bad if I turn down drinks with my husband. I shouldn’t feel bad if I opt for grilled protein and veggies while my family insists on having fish-sticks and french-fries! Argh!!

I’m worth this path. I need to do this for me. One day. One step.

I can. I will. I am.

Chin up.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • POSITIVELY_EB
    Wow! I could have written the first part of this blog myself! LOL! I want to do the same thing when I lose motivation. Being the co-leader of a team makes it difficult, though. But probably the best for me - I find it hard to disappear for too long. But I want to sometimes!!!

    Glad you are still here! Keep fighting for yourself because you are worth it! (I'm saying the same thing to myself!)

    HUGS!!!
    2650 days ago
  • _MOBII_
    I am so lucky that my beau eats whatever I make! But my second husband was ...well, still is a redneck...meat and taters is all he ever wanted. Good grief. I wasn't even on a health kick when we were together but could not palate the same fried stuff every single day! So he ate what I cooked or made something himself, hehe!

    I know what you mean about being able to cheer others up but withdraw into yourself when you need support.
    I spend a lot of time in tears but I am also learning how to express things other ways as well. Blogging is a wonderful tool for that.
    2653 days ago
  • DIET_FRIEND
    When I choose fish sticks, they are baked and I eat only one portion which is pretty reasonable on my tracker. I listened to The Splendid Table podcast today and Jacques Pepin was talking about the American diet consisting of about 7 foods like burgers, pizza, hotdogs (I don't remember all) when he first arrived in the USA. Your husband seems pretty typical of a guy not prone to gastronomic adventure. I suggest you can eat a reasonble portion of what hubby has and fill out the cracks with additional veggies and salad. My husband isn't trying to lose weight with me, but he's okay with whatever I put in front of him that I cook. He even liked a beet salad I made last week and he wasn't sure he liked beets. We all have different challenges and it is up to us to overcome them if we want to be successful with health and fitness goals. Happy sparking to you!
    2653 days ago
  • MIZINA730
    First of all, I've noticed lots of us kind of checking out from time to time. There are various reasons, and one of them is fear of coming to the site not sounding totally positive and bouncy all the time. But we are coming here for support. Sometimes we really need the support from others to keep going. One of the ways to get that support is to let people know that we need it. There are various members lately who are having problems dealing with the shorter days, eating things we don't want to, and not feeling like exercising. For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, I believe the problem is definitely a matter of the time of year. The Southern Hemisphere members sound like we did this summer. That's something that will require some strategy and I am working on that now for myself.

    About the family - it may take them a while but I believe they will come around even if it takes years. Men are notorious for stubborn eating habits. Certainly don't feel bad if you make healthy choices! You are paving the way for them, even if they don't respond the way you'd like. You're still doing the right thing.

    I looked up what ranch style beans are, and it sounds pretty healthy. You can cook your husband's meal, then eat the beans with a salad and vegetable. Maybe make corn bread on the side if he likes it and have a little of that too. That way, he gets what he wants and you get what you need, without going too far out of your way. If they want fish sticks and french fries, fine, that doesn't sound like a lot of work. My son likes that too and I make it for his lunch sometimes. But I eat my own thing. Not another entree, too much work. That's a meal in which I make something simple for myself like PBJ sandwich, soup, and fruit or something like that. I just do my thing and let them do their thing.

    But - they do like grilled meat and they do eat vegetables and mashed potatoes. I eat those meals with them. Most of my meals are simple like that. One simple and fun grilled meal we all like is chicken shish kabobs with sweet pepper, onion, and mushrooms chunks. Except they won't eat the mushrooms. I marinate the chicken and the rest is easy. But I suppose your crew won't eat any of the veggies on the kebab. Fine, let them eat the meat and skip the veggies. You're still getting the veggies. Don't feel bad if they won't join you with the whole meal.

    Like my kids' pediatrician once said, it's my job to provide the food, it's their job to eat it. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. At least you know you did your part and if you are alone in eating, so what. I see myself as a trailblazer in my family, and eventually they won't be able to resist coming along. My younger son is responding and starting some exercise now. Him doing that - I never would have thunk it when I started Spark. Besides, Spark Friends always have each other to talk to even if our families aren't interested. Remember, they're not going to see it as their journey. It's ours alone until they decide it's for them. As long as I'm doing what I want, I'm happy.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon


    2653 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/22/2012 11:24:38 AM
  • RANDYNWV
    I could have written the first part of your blog !!! in fact I have written almost the same things.

    If things are going well -- I start slacking off on signing in to the site. Communicating with others.

    I find that if I can keep taking some kind of step whether perfect or not --- it helps keep moving forward a little at a time -- and keeps me involved here at SP which is a must for me.


    2653 days ago
  • JMARIES51
    Hi Simone, I am so happy to see you. Hey you are talking to the great Houdini. I totally understand the disappearing act. In my years here on Spark I have had periods where I disappeared for months at a time, but I just wanted you to know that no matter how long you were away, I would be here for you.

    You are right, nobody can be up all the time. And what I have learned is that everybody needs support sometime. That is why we are here to do this together.

    This past July I had a bit of a breakdown - had to let it out on my significant other - because he was not being supportive. At first I felt really guilty for getting angry at him, but then I realized that I was important, too, and that my feelings also count. And now I would say that he is my biggest supporter. It isn't something I would suggest is a good way to confront these problems, but hey, it was honest and it worked. Having been overweight my whole life I was just so tired of always having to consider someone else's feelings all the time. It just bubbled up and bubbled out and it was a huge breakthrough for me. I had no idea I had so much anger bottled up inside of me.

    Anyway, just want you to know I am here for you. Hope you are doing good.
    2653 days ago
  • THOMS1
    It is hard going when you have no support at home. I am lucky that I have a lot of support but my husband does not eat healthy. In the beginning I told him that to lead a healthy lifestyle I had to change what I ate and he said then I will make my own meals. It works out fine for us and on weekends I do make him meals that he is fond of although he is really a simple eater,( Steak, potatoes, corn, you get the picture.) Spark has some amazing recipes that your family may enjoy. Give it a try and if they don't go for it you may just have to make two different meals. It might be the solution or not. I wish you luck. emoticon
    2653 days ago
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