Not sure what to make of this....
Sunday, September 23, 2012
So this blog has been rattling inside of me for a very long time, and truth be told, I am still not sure I should be writing it. Part of me feels very judgmental in writing it. Part of me feels like I have no way of knowing if I'm right. Part of me feels like I have hit the nail on the head. And a very big part of me wonders how, even if I'm right, it matters, and how it impacts me personally.
A while back, I had occasion to visit with an old friend and her family. We hadn't seen each other and really sat and chatted for quite a long time, and truth be told, I had thought that our paths had diverged to such a point that other than very occasional meetings, our friendship had probably come to a natural stopping point. Geographic distance, busy lives, all stood in the way. This is not a lifelong friendship, it was one of those friendships borne of the convenience of seeing each other regularly when our children went to school together. And then they didn't, and then there was moving leaving town, and though we continued for a few years, clearly our lives had become so busy it just wasn't to be. Now none of this is negative, no one was mourning the lost time, we just got busy, and that is a very normal, natural thing.
But somehow, we did end up seeing each other a while ago, and though it was wonderful to see her, I was struck by a difference in her. Not much tolerance for the annoyances of motherhood that any mother knows..your child does something they are not supposed to do, you try to fix it, but you don't usually show disdain for it, you don't usually say, literally or figuratively, "go away, I don't want you in my presence." As this was occurring, I was watching all sorts fruits and vegetables and nothing but the healthiest of food being partaken of. Nothing wrong with that, let me be straight, I am not finding any fault whatsoever with that.
When our time together had come to an end, she said to me: "have you noticed how much weight I've lost? I'm back down to a size 6, haven't been there since before I had kids. I don't eat grain of any kind. I read something that really resonates, grains are the only thing that stay in your system. So I just stopped eating grain. The weight just melted off me, I haven't had grains in I don't know how long, and I never will again. I've never felt better. I go to the gym, but it's not a regular gym, it's heavy duty stuff. I don't know what has taken so long for me to figure this out. I've thrown out all my size 10 clothes."
Okay, now first, let me tell you, from the size 10 comment above, you can probably figure that this person was not an overweight person ever. She always ate right, taught her kids to eat right, and worked out regularly. So now, as she mentioned it, I did notice she had lost weight.
But I had also already noticed that she did not seem happy at all. That she displayed no patience with her children. That she was more interested in them not being anywhere near her. That she pounded baby carrots from a 2 lb bag like I'd pound, oh, potato chips.
So I drew a conclusion, perhaps fairly, perhaps not, but I drew a conclusion: the woman is hungry. And like all of us when hungry, we are irritable. But that conclusion led me to question myself: is losing weight important enough to me? Will I ever succeed if I am not willing to take those kinds of steps to lose the weight?
Now, I already know you don't have to go to those kinds of extremes to lose weight, though, I will tell you, at 52 years of age, you do have to be more extreme than you every had to be when you were in your 20s, 30s and even 40s. But IS IT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO ME? Is that why I don't lose weight? Notice I don't say can't, because I know in my heart of hearts, I can, but for some reason am having one heck of a hard time doing it.
But here is a woman who was at a weight and lifestyle before that I would have given anything to be at, and yet she was not happy with that. She had to drastically change her eating to get where she wanted to go. Am I willing to make that kind of sacrifice? And seeing what I think it has done to her personality, am I willing to let that happen? Now, before I get chided for not really knowing if there are other things going on in her life, not really knowing if maybe she was just having a bad day, or being accused of jumping to conclusions, or making assumptions and we all know what happens when you make assumptions, I KNOW ALL THIS. But whether I am right about that part or not, it's still the drastic measures she was willing to take to get to a place that makes her happy that has me saying hmmmmm....