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Surviving Cancer & Losing a Baby

Thursday, August 02, 2012

There are worse things in the world than my story, and I am very thankful for what I do have, but this year has been terrible. My husband was disgnosed with prostate cancer Nov. 2011. By March 2012, he had his prostate removed. For those who didn't google it yet and don't know, a prostate is a male gland that supplies the "swimmers" with something to swim in. No prostate, equals no babies. Before my husband had his removed we tried to conceive one more child naturally. I have two BEAUTIFUL daughters at home that I am very thankful for. The day before his surgery, I conceived!!! It was a bit of great news during a time of bad news and a difficult recovery for my husband. So, we were over-joyed. It was a gift and a blessing. Also, I was recently diagonosed with having Lupus (an auto-immune disorder that can effect pregnancy), so along with being excited I was also nervous and scared that I would miscarry during the first trimester. So once I was 13 weeks pregnant I got even more excited that we were going to have another child...Then, just when I was feeling safe, she was taken away. At 17 weeks, they couldn't find a heartbeat. I was devastated. I had to have a c-section to deliver my poor baby who had her umblical cord wrapped tightly around her neck and torso. I know there is nothing I did wrong, but I can't help but look for a reason. We named her Hope Katherine and I know she is in God's arms waiting for me. It's hard not to get mad and think, "why? What did I do to desrve this?" I believe this happened in an attempt to turn my heart away from God. But I won't let it. If anything, it has brought me closer to Him. I am going to be a better person walking with the Lord because I HAVE TO see her again. I have to make it back to her. And the only message I have to anyone who has felt pain and sorrow for any reason is never to turn from God because of it. He didn't do this, He loves you and will carry you when you feel like you can't go on. Someone else wants your soul, and that snake will do terrible things to get it. And the nicer you are, the harder the snake knows he has to work. That's why bad things happen to good people. Never turn away, draw God close, pull Him near.

Never before would I share what I am really thinking or what I really believe but it has been helping me to heal. So even if you have different beliefs, please understand that these are my beliefs and are not posted here to piss you off; they are here to help me heal. And thank you for listening.

Here's to my Hope, I love you, and I can't wait to see you.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My dad fought prostate cancer 4 years ago, but he thankfully got through it with radiation. Now my mom was recently diagnosed with a very aggressive breast cancer. I am struggling with what God's plan could possibly be. To see literally one of the most compassionate, kind-hearted, faithfilled people I know have to go through multiple surgeries, next up is chemo, more surgery, and radiation - I just don't get it. But this blog definitely helps me a bit in that regard.

    My condolences on Hope. Best wishes for a better end to the year for your family.
    3130 days ago
    emoticon emoticon You will Heal, and so will your Husband! Keep your Focus on God, You are in His arms. Only He can see the "Big Picture" and we just have to Trust Him.
    3131 days ago
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Glad you have kept your faith. emoticon
    3131 days ago
    That is a very sad story. BUT you have to look in the right direction and keep your chin up. Bad things happen to everyone, you have just happened to be one of the few who get some really bad things. My Aunt dies of breast cancer, my best friend miscarried her baby, and my Uncle was just diagnosed with prostate cancer as well (my uncle who just lost his wife to breat cancer). CHIN UP things will be better soon.
    3132 days ago
  • ALICIA214

    I agree with you 100%, if I did not believe in God I would be in bad shape having lost
    my husband and 2 sons.Keep the faith my friend and our Father will see us through.
    3132 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9861129
    So sad! I'm sending you some happy thoughts today.
    3132 days ago
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