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The drama...

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Well, I am hanging in there! Despite dealing with a new job, my kids being home from college, having a major birthday and taking steps for divorce, I haven't done anything self-destructive! I'm eating okay and holding my weight steady, but I haven't exercised as much -- I'll have to work on that one. emoticon emoticon emoticon

First off, I really enjoy the new job working at a construction company, which is entirely new for me, and I'm learning all sorts of new things. emoticon

Next, I really enjoy having my kids home for the summer -- lots of laughter and fun, but it also throws off my normal routine -- more cooking, cleaning, picking up, changing my plans, trouble finding time for exercise, etc. I sort of fall back into the "Mommy" role sometimes, but I only have them for a few more weeks, so I'll enjoy them while I can, especially since this will probably be their last summer home. I hate that this has been a bad summer for them with the drama between their dad and me, but I've also been glad I wasn't completely alone at times and had them to lean on a little occasionally. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Then, I turned 50 last weekend and had a great surprise birthday dinner at a restaurant I have been wanting to check out. Kudos to my kids for pulling that one off and getting friends and family together for the surprise! It turned out to be a pretty good birthday for me! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Finally, for the last couple of weeks I have been dealing with the soon-to-be-ex. As soon as I got my first paycheck from the new job, he told me we needed to get moving on the divorce since I have a job now (literally -- I got my first check on a Friday for 2 days' work; he told me this on Saturday). He seemed to go out of his way to be as awful as possible in the week before my birthday, but I just limited dealing with him as much as I could until the day after my birthday, then we sat down and did the financial affidavits. The problem now is him thinking he is being too "generous" -- he figures if I agree to most of what he has "offered" then it must be bad for him rather than what is fair. He can't understand why I would rather have a mortgage in my name than letting him pay off the house, why I would trust him to pay allimony but not a house payment, why I would rather keep the mutuals intact rather than cash them in, etc. I think he is just frustrated that I won't let him dictate my finances. It's silly things -- he is willing to offer more per month for allimony but then gets upset that it's permanent because we were married over 30 years! *sigh!* It's just nitpicking the details, I guess...! emoticon

Anyway, I am being mindful of the positive changes in my life. From a financial standpoint, I actually got excited this week when I got my own credit card, found out I have an excellent credit score, and looked at ordering "girly" checks for myself. As far as my state of mind, I don't walk around feeling frightened and worried any more, and I have started noticing I like seeing and repeating these words to myself:

Peace emoticon

Hope emoticon

Joy emoticon

Love emoticon

Faith emoticon

Laughter emoticon

Respect emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD12425972
    I'm divorced for the second time nine years ago. This "will" pass, the "ugliness" and then it gets so so good, you won't believe it! You become so much stronger, happier, controlled, organized, likeable, crazier (in a funny way) pretty much a totally different person. My last marriage was for 19 years and he was very controlling and verbally abusive! Thought I couldn't live without him...but, I'll be darn here I am and happier than I've ever been. Life is so crazy and here we are right in the middle of it. Ride the ups and downs, cuz your ups are on the way my SparkBuddy!! emoticon emoticon
    2905 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/20/2012 9:33:47 PM
    It is too funny the things that come up in a divorce when you are separating your belongings.

    My stbx thought I wouldn't notice that he didn't mention the coin collection we have. I brought it to his attention and told him I wanted half of it. Then he redid the papers saying that we would each get half but he gets first pick and I have to keep mine to pass down to one of our daughters. I have to laugh at how he thinks he can still dictate to me on how to handle my affairs. He wanted his freedom and I gave him that, now it's my turn.

    Everyody take care
    2932 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5575543
    Some people just cannot understand that we want to have life without drama once in a while. Hang in there and don't let someone else rule your life. emoticon
    2934 days ago
    deep breaths and just keep repeating those words
    2934 days ago
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