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Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'

Friday, July 13, 2012

Ai yi yi. Well, here I am. I am not off track too badly but yet I am still not on my goals or where I want to be. I have blogged before about the fact that I am not able to lose weight unless I am 100% on plan and borderline obsessed. I have too many other things going on in life to be that way right now and my beyond controlling type A personality is having a hard time.

Life is life and I have responsibilities and things that I have to do just like the next person. This interrupts best laid plans no matter how much motivation I have or how good my intentions. I am not purposefully seeking out bad decisions or purposefully giving into temptations but they are still a part of my life right now. I can not and will not beat myself up about it. Doing that is just unfair to me and my body.

I'm on a journey right now to love and be less critical of myself and to those who I am closest. I have entered a new phase of life and I am determined to shed that blame game and self-deprecation m.o. I have developed.

I'm learning that in order to live a life where I have joy and laughter I have to let go of the reins and accept set backs as well as victories. One tenet of spark is that this is a journey not a race. There's no reward at the end of my life for having lived thin but miserable. The reward is the day to day happiness in myself and those around me.

So I'm still forging my own path to acceptance of myself and trying to find that balance...it's hard to find, probably because it is ever changing within us. But each night that I can close my eyes and be content with my actions of the day towards myself and others is a small victory and I will welcome each of them with a smile.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SIONED40
    The key to success is to mentally be ready for it...you will know when its time to kick it hard and when it isn't. Life is always going to throw things at us and sometimes its just best to survive. You an and will do this...but I agree, it should be on your terms and no one elses. Enjoyed reading your post.
    3063 days ago
    You're absolutely wonderful and I feel the same way. The only way I can lose weight is to be obsessed. I have to be happy where I am, maintaining a healthy weight even if I wouldn't get in a bikini if you dared me.

    I've loved watching you blossom over the years, and how much things have changed, and how happy you are now! I'm glad we're both still here, hanging on, hanging in, and still learning about priorities and enjoying life for what it is - a daily journey!

    3064 days ago
  • GAYLEP67
    Well said, Erin and fantastic attitude.


    3065 days ago
    It is hard to stay with a plan when life gets too interesting. The Chinese have a saying that is a curse "may you live in interesting times" so they know just how bad they can be.
    3065 days ago
    emoticon blog. emoticon
    3065 days ago
    You're right, being a certain size or weight really doesn't mean much in the long run. We should strive to be healthy, whatever that means to each individual. We need to look to living our lives well, not skinny. Being courteous, having fun, loving ourselves and others. That is what's important, not looking like a cover model.
    3065 days ago
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